It’s been a loooong time, but here is the absent chapter four. Last chapter there was talk of baby vamps, we witnessed the sweaty action that makes baby vamps, Jacob gave Bella a gift, Alice got her head on straight and the bloodstone was introduced. This chapter is packed full of bloody goodness with plenty of profanity and we get to see more of Bella’s state of mind after Edward left.

As a reminder I don’t own Twilight. That would be crazy.

Cheers,

Dixie Lou

PART 2

4

My forehead was hot and sticky and sweat was rolling down into my eyes. I clutched the conifer next to me as the rest of my world swayed dangerously. I was panting hard and my body was sickly warm. And most importantly, Edward was gone.

After some time, I became aware of Alice calling my name. I stumbled drunkenly through the brushwood toward the sound of her voice.

“Bella! Get your sick ass over here. Right now!”

I stopped just short of her and the body of Rosalie Hale. She had Rose cradled in her lap, mercifully facing away from me. “It’s worse than before, Bella. So much worse,” Alice smoothed some of her sister’s hair away from her mangled face. “We need your blood. She needs human blood to heal.”

“W-what?” I muttered lamely.

“Your blood Bella. Roll up your shirtsleeve, above the elbow please.” Alice fixed me with the patient stare of a teacher explaining something rather simple. “You’ll also need your car keys out and ready. After she’s fed, you’ll have to make a run for it while I hold her down.”

“What?” I asked, a little more sternly.

“If you drive fast you’ll be able to get to our house. Carlisle should be there by now, he’ll protect you if Rose goes postal. Jasper and Emmett won’t be far behind. Geeze, Bella, will you get over here so I can cut your veins? We’re running short on time.” She huffed and hugged Rosalie closer to her chest while extending a hand for me.

“What!” I shrieked, pulling my arms close to my body. “No way!”

Alice shot me a murderous glare, her patience quickly dissolving. “Don’t be so selfish, little girl. We’re in this mess because of you. Now are you going to help me save my sister or do I have to force you?” She arched a mean eyebrow at me and waved her arm impatiently. I stupidly shuffled toward her, not really understanding what was happening.

“Won’t I be a vampire then?” I dumbly asked as she ripped my sleeve clean off my arm.

Alice tisked, “Don’t be dim. I wouldn’t let that happen without Edward around. I just need to soak her wounds in your blood. Obviously there’s no need for biting to do that.”

Before I could respond, Alice used her long fingernail to slice down my arm, right across several large veins. I hissed and held my breath, willing the bile back down my throat.

“Lord!” Alice shrieked.

“What?” I yelped.

“What the hell happened to your blood? It’s black as tar!”

“Oh,” I weakly mumbled, “Um, Edward gave me a bloodstone. Dragon I think. That night we, you know, the night of the Denali party?”

“That Punk!” Alice spat, “All this time he had a bloodstone and never told anyone.”

I shrugged and chose to withhold the fact her father, Carlisle, gave Edward the stone.

“Well,” Alice sighed, “This changes things. You’ll have to run a lot faster now, Sweetie, because Rose is going to heal twice as fast.”

I gulped, my nausea intensifying. Fuck.

“On three, then.” Alice chirped, “One,” she revealed Rose’s grotesque visage and positioned my arm over her many wounds. “Two,” She squeezed down on my gash and I let out a whimper of pain. “Three!” Alice spilled my black blood over her sister’s face and neck, squeezing just right to get the flow going. After five or so minutes she unceremoniously dropped my arm. “Run!” She yelled as she started repositioning Rose’s skin and jaw and arm, “Bella, wake up! Run!”

I gripped my bleeding arm to my chest and made a beeline toward the forest. Crashing through the trees and down the mountainside I barely made it in one piece to my beat up old truck. “Please start, pleasestartpleasestart!” I chanted as I quickly jumped up into the cab. After two turns of the engine the ancient Ford roared to life. I peeled out onto the deserted mountain highway, pushing the rusty engine well past its usual 35 MPH. Anxiously I kept checking and re-checking my mirrors, looking for any white blurs or rustling trees that would signal Rosalie’s presence. I saw nothing. After a tense twenty minutes I began to slow my truck down to it’s normal pace.

Once I relaxed, the vomiting and bleeding, stress and pregnancy began to creep up through my muscles. A great welling tiredness was settling into my chest and fogging my brain. The last 24 hours were full of monsters and monstrous acts I never thought possible. Inside my lonely truck cab, with the steady rumble of the engine and the forest flowing by, it all seemed so unreal. I would wake up in my bed and laugh with Edward about this impossible dream. But I reminded myself that Edward was a dream too, one I convinced myself I would wake up from eventually. Maybe my whole life in Forks isn’t real; maybe I’m already dead. 

A sudden jolt against the truck brought me back to reality. Looking over my shoulder I was met with the blazing purple eyes of Rosalie Hale. Panicked, I slammed on the breaks and spun out on the empty highway. Rose flew into the back window, completely shattering the glass with her head. I screamed and covered my own head with my arms, one of them still openly bleeding. Before I could think to run, Rose wrapped her arms around me and pulled my torso halfway out of the truck. I didn’t bother struggling, knowing it would amuse her to see me try.

“Hello, Bella,” She purred, “How do you feel?”

“I-“ I choked, “I’m fine.”

She laughed quietly; the sound was like a thousand tinkling bells. “No, now. How do you feel now? With your lover torn to bits and your wolf friends marked for dead.”

“It doesn’t matter how I feel. It doesn’t matter what I think. The dead are dead, Rosalie.”

“Mmmm, too right. I suppose you deserve this, Honey.” Just as Rose opened her jaws to strike something collided with her body, ripping her off of me and gashing my head against the truck.

I took a shaky look out to the road and saw the enormous form of Emmett Cullen wresting with Rose as she writhed and snarled. Another blur streaked by the truck and Jasper Hale appeared, seizing her by the arms and dragging her off into the forest. It was a while before Rose’s shrieks and moans died off in the distance.

I took a shallow breath and slowly assessed the damage. My arm was clotted with thick, black gore, which was absolutely everywhere. But besides that and a nasty bump on my forehead, I was ok.

As I was wiping blood off my shaking hands, the cab door abruptly opened.   

“Aaaah!”

“Jesus, Bella, it’s just me.” Alice poked her pixie head into the passenger’s side, “And you look awful.”

I just stared at her numbly, trying to mentally restart my heart.

“Lets get back to the house and get you cleaned up. Carlisle and Esme are waiting for us. Do you mind if I sit in the back? No offense, but it smells way too delicious in here.”

I mutely shook my head and started the engine while she flitted into the truck bed.

____________________________________________

Slowly I returned to the present, “Whoa, sorry. I must have drifted off for a minute.” I yawned and giggled a little. Edward already had a blanket wrapped around me, covering my nakedness. He was comfortably snuggled into my side with one of his strong arms draped across me. I shifted so I could look into his eyes, which were glowing bright amber in the dim light. I sighed and ran my hands through my hair, “Boy, Edward, that was….” I gave a husky laugh, “I mean wow. Just wow.” I closed my eyes and sighed again. It was a while before I came around enough to realize he wasn’t moving or responding to my scintillating conversation.

I turned to cuddle further into his stone body, “Edward? What’s wrong?”

“Did I hurt you?” He rasped, his voice barely audible.

That’s what was bothering him? Lord help me, “Do I look hurt to you?”

He sighed, “Jasper was right, but I never understood it before now.”  

“What do you mean?” I frowned. I didn’t agree with many of Jasper’s views and I especially didn’t like his opinion about Edward and myself.

“You’re beautiful to me because you’re human. Your frailty. Your fleeting life…your beating heart, even when you think it’s breaking. All that seems suddenly more precious than anything I have ever known.”

“My heart?” I scoffed dubiously, “What about my, you know… girly bits? Aren’t they precious to you?” I wiggled my hips suggestively against his. He managed to crack a smile.

“Do you feel stronger?” He laid a smooth, cool hand against the spot where the bloodstone had sunk into my chest.

“I feel…” I hesitated, mentally assessing all my limbs and digits and organs and brain, “Full. Like something’s been unlocked inside of me. I’m not stronger really; I just know how to be strong. Um, that sounds kinda lame. It’s hard to explain…”

He smoothed my hair away from my face and gently held my chin, “So you feel ok?”

I grinned, slipping my hands out of the blanket to stroke his bare chest, “Better than ok. I’m lying next to a completely naked Edward Cullen.” I gave a small squeal and teasingly nipped at his neck and licked his earlobe. He growled playfully and flung the blanket off of me, revealing my nude body. “God, Bella, you’re so beautiful.” He murmured appreciatively.

I scooted closer and began kissing his lips and neck and chest, making my way down his stomach. “Can I do something I’ve been dying to try since forever?” I grinned up at him. He arched an eyebrow, “As long as I get to reciprocate.” My smile widened and I continued my downward trail, amazed at how far we’ve come and marveling at the future.

_________________________________________________

Charlie was on the phone with my mother, he was talking in low, harsh whispers. But despite his effort to hide in the farthest corner of the kitchen, every word I heard him say was like a kick to the teeth.

“No, I don’t know what’s going on, Renee. We can’t just jump to conclusions…..well, no I haven’t but I don’t think…..what’s a doctor going to tell me that I don’t already know about my own goddamn daughter?! …..No, yeah I’m sorry it’s just that….I don’t think pills are the right answer, I don’t want her to be artificially happy. I want her to get well on her own…What? No! I didn’t mean on her own, on her own….damn it Renee, you know I’m here for her. I’m taking care of…………well it doesn’t help you were off God knows where when all of this……….he’s just a boy! What he did was horrible, but Cullen is just a kid, she’ll get over him eventually it’s just gonna…..I’m not trivializing her feelings! You’re not here. You don’t know. I know how serious this is. I see her everyday and she’s a goddamn zombie for Christ’s sake…………..Okay! Fine, I’ll take her in tomorrow morning. But no pills…………fine. I’ll call you later….fine….Jesus Renee, it’s fine……Okay, goodnight.”

So it’s the doctor then. I’m not surprised, not really. I’ve been comatose for so long I can feel the ties in my mind unbinding one by one. The drive to wake up and start my day was the first tie to snap. Then the need to take care of myself slowly unwound. Eating came undone next; the effort to find food I could hold down seemed too enormous to deal with.

As the ties kept unwrapping I knew it would be harder to reconnect them. I also knew Charlie knew I was untying more important things, like my concept of reality. And my ability to keep my nightmares in check; the images of Edward were starting to make appearances in my waking hours. These broken connections in my brain were serious and would be unfixable if left severed for too long.

My father could see me standing on the cliff edge of insanity and he didn’t know what to do. I could feel the wind at my back, pushing me over the precipice. Once I jumped, even if Edward came home, Bella Swan wouldn’t be around anymore. 

_________________________________________________

I was just about to loose consciousness as I pulled up to the Cullen’s expansive gravel driveway. Carlisle was waiting outside, his medical bag in hand. I slowed my truck to a stop and with blood soaked fingers clumsily cut the ignition. Alice leapt from the truck and flitted to her adoptive father’s side. She whispered a few quick words into his ear and disappeared into the house. I opened the cab door and practically fell out of the truck; Carlisle steadied me and slowly led me down to the ground. I leaned heavily against the truck’s tire, trying to focus my eyes on his calm face.

“You’ve lost a lot of blood,” he noted, opening his bag. He took out gauze, a syringe and a small bottle of clear liquid. I watched as he jabbed the needle into the bottle and drew the formula up the cylindrical tube. “I need to clean the wound, will you please hold out your arm?” He held the hypodermic syringe upside down, tapped it and discharged a small amount of liquid onto the ground.

I nodded weakly and held out my arm. I noticed his wife, Esme, darting around some distance away from us. She had brought out a metal basin and was piling sticks and chunks of wood inside. “What’s Esme doing?” I asked. Instead of answering, Carlisle quickly jabbed my wound with the needle and injected the clear liquid. I gasped in pain and closed my eyes as the world spun around me.

“Oh God!” I panted.

“I need to inject the wound in a few more areas, Bella. Try and keep breathing.” He cleaned and reloaded his needle faster than I could see. The pain rushed through me three more times before he put a steady hand on my shoulder. “All finished. You did great, try and hold on a little bit longer. I’m going to clean you up, give you a few stitches and dress the cut. Don’t worry; it’s not too deep. Alice used a lot of self-control.”

I frowned, not really feeling comforted. Closing my eyes I sat and waited for him to finish cleaning and sewing my arm back together. His cool fingers were soothing as he wrapped the soft gauze around and around. “There,” he breathed, the first breath I noticed him taking, “All done.” I opened my eyes in time to see Esme gather all of his used tools and bloody materials and throw them into the large fire she had prepared. Black smoke issued from the flames, spiraling up into the morning sky. “The bloodstone Edward gave you had an interesting aftereffect, I see.” He smiled at me; I didn’t return the kindness. 

I tried to stand and felt a familiar stabbing pain in my lower abdomen. Wincing, I collapsed back to the ground. Carlisle kneeled down, “How do you feel?” He peered at me and took my pulse by gently touching my throat.

I snorted, “How do I feel? I can’t even…you can’t just ask that and expect me to…to…” I took a measuring breath, “I don’t know what I’m feeling right now.”

“You’re alive. That’s a start.” He sighed and dropped his hand. “And the baby is fine, from what I can tell. Does that pain happen often?” He gestured to my stomach.

I nodded weakly, “About every half-hour I get a spasm. It makes me breathless and I have to stop moving before it goes away.” I wrapped my arms around myself, “It doesn’t feel like I thought it would. You know? Being pregnant.”

Behind us I saw Esme freeze, dropping the rest of the firewood on the ground. She turned toward us but Carlisle stopped her with one look. She changed course mid stride and disappeared into the house. I think she looked sad, but I couldn’t really tell.

“I’ve conducted some basic research,” Carlisle turned to me again, “and I think I know why you’re experiencing pain. If my theory is correct, it’ll only get worse.”

I blanched and held my stomach tighter, “What can I do?” I whispered.

“Blood,” He said simply, “You’re baby is hungry and from what I’ve read, it wants blood.”

“What’re you suggesting?” I quietly asked, already knowing the answer.

Carlisle reached into his carrycase and drew out a hospital blood bag. It looked so official, with the hospital seal and patient’s name written on the plastic. It also looked a little evil.

“You want me to…” I gestured toward the bag.

He nodded, smiling lovingly down at me, “It might take the pain away. Let the baby grow a little.”

I took the bag from his hand and examined it as the black-red liquid swirled around inside. The name on label read ‘Virginia Dale’.

“You got a straw?” I grimaced.

_________________________________________________

Jacob sat on the edge of my bed, rubbing my feet. Charlie and a few other officers were milling around downstairs, packing up and talking in low voices. I’m paralyzed, unfeeling. Though I took a shower, it still feels like the cold forest dirt is under my skin. I can’t get warm.

“You ever gonna tell me what happened to you?” Jacob asks softly.

“Someday, just not tonight.” My voice is weak and strained. It was difficult to recognize it as mine. “It’s off.”

“With Edward?” He asks, feigning surprise.

I nod, dazed.

“Was it ever on?” Jacob questions as he switches feet.

“No….not really. But it could’ve been. In a world where good things happen to me.” I flopped back onto the bed, covering my face with my arm. I willed the tears back.

Jacob sighed heavily. After a long silence he said, “Yeah, but that’s not really where we live. Is it?”

_________________________________________________

I dreamt of blood running down my throat. I was lying in a soft forest bed, among thousands of impossibly tall trees. And I was dead. Edward came looking for me, running through the woods. But I was lying so far away, hidden, unclaimed.

When he eventually found me he was anguished, disbelieving. I wanted to tell him it was okay. I was dead. Nothing to be sad about, just dead that’s all. But he wasn’t listening.

I woke with a start. Looking around the dark room with bleary eyes, I discovered Edward had moved me back to his soft leather couch. I was wrapped protectively in a blanket and I was still naked. I attempted to prop myself up on my elbows and failed; my swimming head prevented me from moving too far. “Mmm,” I moaned. From somewhere in the room a book snapped shut. “Edward?”

He was at my side instantly, “Hello love, I thought I should let you rest. It’s still the middle of the night.” He stroked the hair from my forehead. “I’m so thirsty,” I rasped, “could you…?” He smiled and was gone in a flash. I groaned and sat fully up, wrapping the blanket around myself. The room was dark except a small light in the far corner, near the shelves where the bloodstone used to be hidden. Edward reappeared with an ice-cold glass of water, which I thankfully drained in a few gulps. I noticed he had donned his boxers again and I eyed his half-naked body appreciatively. If I weren’t so beat I would insist he remove the offending clothing post haste. But my body had other ideas.
“Um, can I have a human moment?” I asked. He nodded knowingly and kissed me on the forehead, “I was going to wait until tomorrow, but I was wondering if I could fit in a quick hunt? It would be nice to run for a minute or two.”

“Perfect,” I yawned, “maybe I can sneak a shower in.” To my surprise he growled low in his chest, “I’d hate to miss that.” I looked down and he was perceptibly hard beneath his shorts. I giggled, “Vampire stamina, that’s something I’ll have to get use to.”

“Indeed,” He laughed, “And I’m going to have to get use to you being naked in my room.” With absurd grace he scooped up his pants and slid into them, “I won’t be long, but don’t rush. Take as many human moments as you need.” And with a lingering kiss he launched out the patio doors, into the night.

I sighed and padded around, collecting my clothes and fishing out PJ’s from my stuffed backpack. Next to my pack were the shopping bags from earlier today and tastefully tucked within them was an arsenal of expensive lingerie. I smiled mischievously and decided to put the vampire’s stamina to the test.

After some much needed bathroom time and an extra long shower, I wandered over to his bookshelves in search of something to read to put me to sleep. Edward had an endless collection of books, spanning a wide array of subjects. They were loosely organized, but not meticulously so. Finally I found a grouping of classics on a far shelf next to his reading chair. As I flipped through Faulkner, Joyce and Austin, my eyes wandered to the high shelf where my bloodstone had come from. The dusty chalice, the bone knife and the thin black rope were still neatly tucked away. Why were these objects stored with the stone? Where they…and I couldn’t believe I was thinking this….magic? They looked ordinary enough, but out of place among his books and records and stereo equipment. What secrets could they possibly hold?

I reached up and took the gold chalice. It was covered in grime, but it had beautiful and intricate scrollwork carved on every surface. As I contemplated the odd symbols around the base I distinctly saw a glimmer erupt from the cup. I turned it toward me and peered inside. Either it was a trick of the light or the scrollwork was starting to move, writhing around the golden surface. I gasped and quickly replaced the chalice on its shelf. I had enough weird shit for one day. “Fuck,” I murmured, “hope I didn’t break it.” To my relief, the golden light quickly shut off.

Grabbing the nearest Austin novel I retreated back to my couch bed. As 19^th century England unfolded before me I wondered about stones and blood, magic and vampire boyfriends with mysterious chalices. If all of it was real then all I knew about the world was false. And if it’s just a dream then I don’t ever want to wake up again.

_________________________________________________

“Bella,” Dr. Zurflue sternly asked, “If, Edward is it? If Edward didn’t abandon you in the forest that night, then how did you go into the woods with him and then be found, hours later, alone on the ground?” Dr. Zurflue’s office was full of light and decorated like a tasteful English cottage. She sat in a full suit despite the hot July weather, and was fixing me with a patient look of polite interest.

Instead of answering her I looked out of one of her many windows. The clinic grounds were peaceful, lush, and I spied Charlie’s police cruiser in the roundabout. He was hoisting my old suitcase out of the trunk. Funny, I didn’t remember packing.

“Will you answer my question?” Dr. Zurflue kindly asked, “Where was Edward when you were found by the search party?”

I shook my head a little and gazed groggily at her, “By the time they found me….he had disappeared.”

“I see.”

“No,” I countered, “You don’t.” I picked up my cellphone and played with the flipscreen.

“Well, indulge me,” she asked, sitting back into her armchair, “explain it to me.”

“Explain what?” I huffed, “Explain, to a doctor, that the laws of physics can be suspended? Explain how a person can move from now to then and you can’t see it?”

My phone annoyingly buzzed in my hands and somewhere a dog started barking. I flinched and I knew she saw me do it. I didn’t want Dr. Zurflue to see me flinch but she was staring right through me, to my core.

“Why can’t you see it?” she asked.

“What?”

“Why can’t you see Edward moving? How can he disappear?”

I shook my head, hoping it indicated that I didn’t know without committing to saying so.

“How do you feel right now?”

“I,” I put down my phone, ignoring whatever text was trying to break through, “I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m feeling.”

She smiled kindly at me, “You need to rest. The best place in the world for you is right here.”

“You don’t mean stay here?” I shifted tensely in my seat.

“Bella, your father is a personal friend. He asked me to see you as a favor. Now it’s time to realize you’re hurting yourself and the people who love you. This facility is a topnotch place, lots of respectable people have stayed here.”

She turned and pushed a few buttons on her office phone, “Yes, I’d like a room made up for our new patient. A Miss Isabella Swan. Yes, thank you.”

“My father’s here!”

“Yes,” the doctor smiled, “he’ll come by in a few days. I talked to him before, we agreed it would be less emotional this way.” Through the window I saw the police car pull away down the road. An orderly was carrying my suitcase inside.

Abandoned a second time, it would seem.

_________________________________________________

“Let’s get you up off the ground.” Carlisle gently picked me up and carried me into the house. His cool skin felt good, soothing and familiar. Instead of laying me down on the living room couch he swooped up to his study. “Carlisle, where are we…?” He rested me on a loveseat and took the empty blood bag from my hands.

“We all need to meet, talk about a plan. What to do next. Did this help?” He threw the bag in the trash.

“Yes. I feel better. Stronger. It didn’t even taste that gross.”

He laughed, “You’ll get use to the taste.”

“Doubt it.” I grumbled.

There was a commotion downstairs and then Jasper burst into the room, almost slamming the door off its hinges, “A traitor in our house! A brother killer.” He sneered at me and I recoiled into the couch. Carlisle grabbed Jasper by his shoulder but the blond vampire rounded on him, “How dare they, the slave dogs, come here to attack our women and laugh at us? Now,” He beat his chest with his fist, “Now! By the honor of my family, I’ll strike them dead. Damn the treaty!”

“Son,” Carlisle soothed, “Treaty or not you talk of murder, Jasper. Think about your soul.”

“DAMN MY SOUL!” Jasper spit venom on the floor, “Carlisle, these are werewolves, our enemy. A villain we tolerate as neighbors, and we’re surprised when they attack us with hate and spite.”

“Are the Blacks responsible for this?” Carlisle asked with a blank face.

“It’s them, that son-of-a-ware-bitch Jacob.”  

I whimpered from the couch, but covered my mouth when Jasper glared at me again.

“Find your calm, Jasper Hale. I will not, here in our town, make a move to war. The treaty stands. It stands because it’s bigger than us. It sets precedence for all our kind. Be patient, son.” Carlisle again put his arm around Jasper’s shoulders, “A solution will present itself.”

“I will not endure them, Carlisle.”

The older vampire’s face shifted, turning into a well-ordered mask of rage, “They shall be endured,” he commanded fierce and low. Jasper tried to shrug him off but Carlisle grabbed Jasper’s face between his hands, “What? Goddamn boy! I say the treaty stands. Am I the master here, or you? You’ll not endure them!? God save you!”

Jasper looked enraged. But he was also afraid of his father, “Carlisle, it is a shame.”

Carlisle struck Jasper, clean across his mouth “Get out.” When the young vampire didn’t move the doctor shouted, “Get out! You’ll make a mutiny in MY TOWN?! Get out.”

“This treachery shall not go unpunished.” In a blur Jasper left the room, just as Alice, Esme, Rose and Emmett were coming in. He began pacing and muttering in the hallway, making no effort to be quiet.

“A shame,” Carlisle muttered, “Indeed.” He circled around his desk and sat heavily in his chair. The room was quite for a beat until Esme cleared her throat, “Darling? I’m going to write a few emails to the other covens. See if they’ve seen or heard anything about our son. And maybe see if they can help if it does come down to…” She choked on the word, “war.” When her husband nodded she sat with her laptop and began rapidly typing.

“I just wish we knew how many pieces they cut off.” Carlisle mused.

“Is it important to have them all?” I meekly asked. They turned to gawk at me, Esme had stopped her rapid typing, Jasper abruptly stopped his pacing and came back into the study. The silence was uncomfortable. “I mean, um, that is,” I fumbled with my words, “Do we need all of Edward to bury him? Surly we can put most of him at rest.”

“Bury?” Alice asked, a stitch forming between her brows.

“Are you going to burn him?” I asked Carlisle, confusion edging my words.

“Why would we burn him?” Emmett blurted, “He’s not dead! Right Carlisle? He’s not. Is he?”

“But he’s cut up into a million pieces!” I shouted in horror, “You can’t mean he’s still living after all that.” I couldn’t believe this, it was too much. To live through such an experience must be worse than death. Worse than torture. I couldn’t picture Edward actually feeling anything after he was drawn and quartered. That would be unequivocally…monstrous. “I mean, he’s dead. He has to be dead!” I shouted hysterically. Rosalie walked over and curled up next to me on the couch, folding my hand reassuringly into her own. Her face was full of pity, mirroring the faces of her family. Her beautiful purple eyes contrasted the fresh scars marring her face. It was strange, but as she held my hand I wasn’t afraid.

“He lives,” Carlisle confirmed, “Perhaps on the edge of life. But if they didn’t burn him, he’s still repairable.”

“Repairable,” I murmured to myself.

I felt an overwhelming surge of relief and what could only be described as gratitude. For all that I’ve seen of the terrible vampire’s curse, I was grateful it was keeping Edward alive. And almost as suddenly as it appeared, my warm fuzzy feeling was stomped by cold hatred. I hated Jacob Black for taking advantage of Edward’s condition. Jake knew a vampire could stay alive while being cut apart. He had to have known otherwise they would have burned him on the spot. How horrible, I had no idea my best friend was capable of such ruthlessness. How dare he? How dare he cut apart everything I cared about. How dare he inflict such suffering on another living being, human or not. Who the hell does he think he is?

“I’m going to kill him.” I suddenly whispered, breaking the flow of conversation around me. Jasper smiled derisively, “You mean your wolfy friend? You and what army, Bella Swan?”

“We start at the reservation. We find the Blacks and they’ll give us Edward.” I stood nose to nose with Jasper, challenging him to speak against me. “If they don’t, you all know what needs to be done.”

“Bella,” Esme said quietly, “These are your friends you’re talking about.”

“They broke your son, Esme! They ripped him to pieces. Whether he’s alive or not, we can’t let this go. We can’t let them get away with this!” Alice wrapped her arms around me, trying to sooth and restrain me at the same time.

“Get off me, Alice! You know I’m right. You know it!”                   

“You’re right,” Carlisle spoke, surprising us all. “You’re just not thinking clearly. If we’re going to do this, we do it my way. Otherwise we drop this now.”

“There’s no time! Don’t you understand?” I leapt out of Alice’s arms, slamming my hands on his desk.

Something changed in the air then. It crackled with electricity and a dark cloud descended over the old vampire’s young face. He leaned over the desk and grabbed my wrist; his touch was so cold it burned. As his grip tightened I realized I was afraid of Carlisle Cullen.

“Don’t tell me what I lost.” He growled, “I know what I lost. Edward was my son.” He looked around the room, his eyes meeting each of us. Dropping my wrist, he straightened up and softened his expression. “Now, let’s discuss the future, shall we?”

_________________________________________________

The sky through Jacob’s garage door was dark, it was very late.

“Jake, I need to get home.”

He looked up from his car, engine grease smeared across his cheek, “Wait a second, ‘k? I need to get this one part in and then we can go.” His head disappeared back under the hood.

I sighed and settled back into my chair, flipping idly through my texts. A jolt of electricity shot through me as I came across an old message from Edward. ‘Be there in 5,’ it read. My finger hovered over the delete button. It was stupid, I knew it was stupid. But no matter how much I wanted to, I just couldn’t make myself erase any lingering part of him.

“There,” Jake said “all set.” He slammed the car hood down.

I pocketed my phone, “You fixed it?”

He snorted, “Nope. We’ll take my Dad’s old jeep.”

I laughed and jumped up, “If you can get it started.”

The ride to Charlie’s was quiet, full of Jake’s latest music obsession. The band was dulcet, not really what I pictured him being into. ‘It’s okay, to think about ending’ the singer whispered, ‘And it’s okay, to not even start.’ The dark pushed around Billy Black’s jeep, encasing us in a quiet bubble. ‘Put it away, wait ‘til tomorrow. Put it away and take care of your heart. Of your heart.’

“This is nice,” I sighed.

“Mm,” he replied, keeping his eyes on the road.

As he pulled up to my driveway he tensed perceptively. I looked at him, not really understanding, “Jake?”

“Are you really over him, Bella?” He asked, looking at me awkwardly. This wasn’t something either of us wanted to discuss. His hands rubbed anxiously over his jeans as he waited for my answer. ‘It’s okay, to stay here forever’ the singer said, ‘And it’s okay to read in the dark. Put it away, wait ‘til tomorrow. Put it away, and take care of your heart.’ Jake snapped the stereo off and looked at me with a mixture of confusion and hesitation, “I really like you Bella. I mean I…I – “

I grabbed him in a huge hug, killing his sentence. I breathed into his neck, “No, I’m not Jake. Things are fucked up right now. We just have to make the best of it.” He hesitated, and then wrapped his arms around me. It felt good, familiar. After a moment I sighed, “I’m sorry, I really have to go.” And I let him go.

 _________________________________________________

Something cool was creeping up my ankle, up my leg and snaking around my side. My eyes fluttered open and Edward was kneeling before me. He was gently untying the strings of my pretty blue negligée. It was light outside, morning.

“If you’re trying to get some sleep, you really shouldn’t be wearing this.” The lacings of my top fell out one by one, revealing my breasts. His fingers glided gently over the peaks, making them harden. “I have Alice to thank, I presume?” He swept his hand over the matching lace panties.

“The All Knowing.” I sighed, “I didn’t have much of a choice. I assume you approve?”

He smiled, dark lust creeping into his eyes, “I would that you wear nothing else ever again.” His hands moved to hook themselves around the elastic of my underwear, making to pull them down.

“What do you know about chalices?” I innocently asked.

“Fancy word for a cup.” He murmured as he kissed a path from my neck to my collarbone.

I gasped when he licked the dip of my throat, “And what about golden ones? On bookshelves?” 

He stopped, “You’ve been busy.”

“I’m sorry. I was looking for something to read and it started to glow and um…move when I…when I touched it.” I trailed off when he didn’t change his expression. It was clear I messed up big time.

“It’s never done that for me before.” He lowered his hands.

“Another gift from your father?”

“Not really. This one came from the Volturi.”  

_________________________________________________

Emmett cut the engine, signaling it was time to walk the rest of the way. The Cullens explained it would be easier to sense an ambush if they were out in the open, with nothing impeding their senses. They also wanted any bloodshed to happen as far outside of town as possible. Only a handful of people knew about the situation, there was no real need to involve the entire tribe. Or so we all reasoned under Carlisle’s insistence. 

The tension was almost audible as we crossed the border into Quileute land. With no resistance or hesitation we crossed the invisible barrier I had always perceived as hard, immutable stone. The surrounding forest watched us with reserved indifference. A light rain started to fall, causing wispy fog to creep up from the nearby ocean. I knew, without really knowing why, we would be left alone on the long black road into town.

This is what prisoners must feel like on their last walk to the electric chair.

The Quileute reservation was quiet as we entered. Alice and Rosalie quickly flanked me while Emmett took up the front. Jasper had disappeared a mile or so back to scout the perimeter. We never expected to get this far without meeting some form of resistance. Emmett’s growl broke the silence, “This goddamn quiet is starting to damage my calm.”

“Where are they? The whole damn town seems deserted,” Rosalie scanned a nearby gas station, “Isn’t it strange we haven’t encountered a single person since we got here? It’s like 12 in the afternoon on a Monday. People have to be out somewhere!”

I looked around; all the houses were closed and still. No cars in the driveway, all the shops were empty. “They’ve evacuated,” I said quietly, “Someone told them we were coming.”

“But that would mean they told the whole reservation about us, about what we are. That doesn’t compute, Bella.” Alice’s eyes darted around warily, “I mean, that breaks so many rules it isn’t even funny. And where the hell is Jasper?” She huffed and turned to scan the forest beyond.

“They wouldn’t have to tell the truth. They could’ve lied, told them something awful to get everyone to leave,” I bent over to pick up a stray ball, left in the street by some kid, “It’s a small place, it wouldn’t take much to move everyone out.”

Emmett suddenly froze and I ran right into him, dropping the ball. Rose and Alice automatically took defensive crouches around me, hissing low in their throats. I chanced a peek around Emmett’s massive torso and was surprised to see Billy Black stopped in the middle of the road. He was sitting peaceably in his wheelchair, staring passively at the four of us. And he was totally alone from what I could see.

After a tense moment of all of us staring at each other, I whispered, “I think he just wants to talk.”

“What if it’s a trap?” Rosalie hissed.

“Bring it.” Emmett snarled.

“He’s one man in a wheelchair for Christ’s sake. What’s he going to do to three vampires?” I whispered.

Alice nodded, “Carlisle wanted us to talk. It seems like this is the time to do it.”

Emmett gave a stiff nod and began advancing cautiously toward Billy. A little too cautiously. I grumbled and darted around him, walking quickly to meet Jacob’s father.

“Bella.” Billy stiffly acknowledged me.

“Uh, hey Billy,” I awkwardly fumbled, “This is Emmett, Ros –“

“I know who they are,” He cut me off.

“Right, well, of course. I guess you know why we’re here then?”

“I do. You’re after that Cullen boy. Edward. He’s not here.”

Emmett growled, “What do you mean, ‘not here’, old man? Where is he? Where have you taken my brother?”

Billy stiffened and to his credit looked the massive and looming Emmett in the eye, “He’s been taken out of state. To a sympathetic reservation back east. I can’t tell you more than that.”

“Don’t push your luck, Mother Fucker. I’ll break the rest of your spine and drink the juices. It would be easy.” Emmett cracked his huge knuckles and chuckled darkly.     

Billy flinched and I couldn’t blame him; Emmett looked every bit the dangerous predator.

“Stop it, Em.” I whispered, “Billy, is Edward with Jacob right now?” My traitorous voice constricted, “Did Jake take Edward away?”

“Yes. My son and his boys have your vampire,” Billy made no effort to hide the pride in his voice.

“Where are they? Will you tell us?” I wrapped my arms protectively around my core, right where my baby grew. The gesture did not escape his notice.

“You’re demon spawn will kill you Bella. It’ll take your life for its own. Think of Charlie. What that’ll do to him.”

Rose came up behind me and slipped her arms around my shoulders, “Mind your own business, Asshole.”

“I’ll live, Billy. And I’ll do right by Charlie. That’s not for you to worry about. What I do was never any of your business. You would do better to think about your own murdering son.”

Billy laughed, low and cold, “You’re one to talk about murderers, Bella. You keep odd company if that’s how you feel.”

“Fuck you,” Alice spat.

“You talk to me like this? When I’m the only one who can tell you how to retrieve your kin? I’d be more polite if I were you, vampire.”

Suddenly two huge wolves, one silver and one black, emerged from the distant forest. They marched steadily toward us, ignoring the Cullen’s defensive stances and echoing growls. I instinctively placed myself between the two groups, forming a neutral zone. “Back away!” I shouted unconvincingly to the wolves, “It doesn’t need to go down like this!”

“The hell it doesn’t!” Emmett growled behind me, “Move Bella! Let us handle this Ware-trash.”

“Back off, Emmett! Carlisle told us to find Edward.”

Just then Jasper appeared, almost out of nowhere, carrying the limp form of Seth Clearwater by the throat. The wolves, sensing a standoff, parted to let him pass. He took his time to swagger toward us, “What, I find you arguing with these stupid servants?” He threw Seth to the ground and tisked for shame of us all. He glided up to Billy; his eyes glowing with horrible, thirsty flames. Billy didn’t acknowledge Jasper, content to ignore him until Jasper put a cold hand on the old chief’s shoulder. Quietly he murmured, “Turn now, William Black, and look upon your death.”  

“I’m only trying to keep the peace, vampire.” Billy quietly rasped with only a slight quiver of fear in his voice, “At least try to part these men with me.”

“What’s this talk of peace?” Jasper spat, “I hate the word. As I hate all lycanthrope and you.” I screamed as Jasper seized Billy by his jacket and lifted him from his chair. Emmett, Rose and Alice darted around to engage the wolves, fighting faster than I could keep track of.

Billy feebly struggled in Jasper’s stone grip, “Release me Dead Man. This won’t help your brother!”

“Put him down, Jasper. Stop it!” I ran to them and started pulling futilely on the blond vampire’s arms, but it had as much effect as pulling on a statue. “You’re hurting him! Stop it! He can’t do anything to you, stop it!” The rage on Jasper’s face scared me and I began to panic. Behind me I could hear the deafening snaps and snarls and blows of my friends tearing each other apart. Seth was unconscious at my feet; he looked dead. It was all spinning out of control so fast.

_________________________________________________

‘Good times for a change
See, the luck I’ve had
Can make a good man turn baaaaad’

So please please please
Let me, let me, let me
Let me get what I want this tiiiimmme’

I slowly cranked up the volume on the kitchen radio and started to sway my hips. I haven’t heard this song in years. It was like talking to an old friend again. I splashed the dishwater about and hummed along with the song.

‘Haven’t had a dream in a long time
See, the life I’ve had
Can make a good man baaad’

It was so nice to like music again. I had shut out that part of me until I returned from Italy. Edward took so much more with him than he’ll ever know, maybe more than even I can comprehend. Charlie’s faith in me, Jacob’s best friend, my sanity… 

I shook my head, banishing dark thoughts and tried to hum along with the music. But somehow the sweetness had already left the song.

‘So for once in my life
Let me get what I want
Lord knows it would be the first tiiiiimmme
Lord knows it would be the first time. 

_________________________________________________

“I brought you these,” Charlie laid three or so spring prom magazines on the scuffed coffee table, “Thought you might want a look.”

“Dad,” I rolled my eyes, momentarily taking my attention away from Heathcliff’s plangent monologue. “There aren’t many eligible guys roaming around a clinic. Besides,” I dropped my voice to a low mutter, “I wouldn’t go without him.”

“Edward left us, Bella. Take a hint.”

“We don’t take hints, Dad.”

A stony silence issued between us. Charlie took the dayroom remote and flicked on a hockey game. He was quickly absorbed. I returned to my book and was contently reading until he darted up and to the window, “I thought I saw something out there.” Charlie cracked open the dayroom curtains and peered over the clinic’s backyard. His attention momentarily torn from the hockey game blaring on the television.

“Dad, it’s probably an animal or something.” I yawned from the couch, curling into my book.

“Naw, it looked human.” Charlie sighed, still peering through the curtains.

“Seriously Dad. Maybe it’s the Forks Strangler, coming to kill us during playoff season.”

“Yeah,” He conceded, plopping down on the other end of the couch. His eyes were sucked back into the game. Suddenly I noticed the distinctive outline of a body leaning against a tree in the yard, some 40 feet from the clinic’s backdoor. I didn’t need a second look to tell it was Jacob Black.

“Hey, I’m really sleepy,” I yawned again, wrestling myself from the couch. “I think I’ll call it a night.”

“Mm,” Charlie muttered, accepting a kiss on the cheek as I left the dayroom. “Night.” He called after me, “I’ll check in with Nurse Bayfield before I leave. See you tomorrow morning.” 

I made for corridor to my room, but when I was sure Charlie and the nurses weren’t looking, I fled for the back door. Once outside I crept around the clinic and underneath the dayroom window, signaling Jacob. He nodded in a nonchalant way and traipsed toward me, carefully avoiding the light emanating from the building.

It had been two weeks since I moved to the Forks psychiatric clinic. It’s a very small facility and I was one of the youngest patients. It was for the best, I needed to be watched after I tried to kill myself. I didn’t use razors or pills or alcohol. But I did try to just lie down and die, refusing all food and water. When I blacked out in the shower and severely gashed my head on the tub, Charlie and Renee checked me in here.   

I’d been avoiding Jake and all of my friends. They thought I flew to Florida to see my mother. Looks like someone finally told the Blacks the truth.   

“Hey,” He grinned as he jogged closer, “I brought beer.” He held up a six-pack of cheap domestic. When I didn’t smile his face fell a little and solemnity crept into his features, “I wanted to see you.” He didn’t look at me as he said this. I nodded in defeat.

Jacob sat next to me on the concrete steps, cracking open a beer and handing it to me. “We miss you on the ‘Rez. Sam’s getting crazier everyday. Billy’s still mad a me,”

We simultaneously took swigs out of our beer and I smiled empathetically at him. Same old Jake, same old problems. It was nice to know some things haven’t changed. He caught my smile and fixed me with a miserable stare, “Come back, Bells.” I shook my head no. “Come back to us.”

“No,” I looked away, unable to say it to his face, “No Jake, not this time. I don’t like it here,” I chanced a glance at him, his face hadn’t changed. “But I haven’t had an episode since I checked in. And Charlie needs to know I’m okay, he needs me safe. And you know what?” I swigged my beer, “I’m learning to control the fear. I’m learning where it comes from. For the first time since he left, I’m not afraid.” I smiled wanly at him, hoping he would believe me. He returned my look, the gloom slightly lifting from his face. 

I turned to Jacob and put my hand on his shoulder. “Listen, Jake. I have a chance here, to make things right in my mind again. To forget in the doctor’s words my ‘mania’, um, over…you know, over him.”

He shook his head and stood, easily three feet taller than me, so I couldn’t hold his shoulder any longer. “And if you really care for me,” I looked up at him, “You won’t come back.”

Jake looked stricken, but he squeezed my hand between his huge fingers as I smiled up at him. He turned to cross the lawn, making no effort to avoid the lighted windows. When he was about to jump the fence he yelled, “Yeah, just don’t kill yourself, Bitch!”

“What?!” I shrieked, “Jacob Black! You get back here and apologize! You fucking asshole!” Jake didn’t look back as he launched himself over the fence and disappeared.

More lights flicked on in the clinic windows and Charlie ran out the door to grab me. He had a difficult time, as I was busy cussing at the retreating Jacob and viciously throwing the rest of his beer off of the stoop. I wouldn’t go inside until I watched every last can explode on the clinic’s sidewalk.

_________________________________________________

The knife. It was nestled safely in my back pocket. It was blunt and harmless to my mortal skin but a deadly enemy to any vampire. I couldn’t believe I was prepared to save Jacob’s traitorous father with the same knife used to cut apart my undead boyfriend. But it had to be done, Billy was my only way to Edward and Jasper was simply in the way.

It all happened so fast. Jasper had Billy by the throat, dangling over his wheelchair, the others were fighting behind us, Seth remained unconscious on the ground. A horrible ripping sound followed by base howling rent the air. I grabbed the knife from my pocket. Looking back I saw Rosalie finish ripping the silver wolf’s head clean off. A crimson shower rained down on the battle, which the wolves were now loosing. Shock, cold and swift, poured through my veins and before I knew what I was doing I screamed and plunged the knife into Jasper’s boot. Right where his foot met his toes.

More movement blurred around me, more horrible howls filled the rainy afternoon. Billy slumped back into his chair, I was face down next to Seth Clearwater who I now knew was dead. Not sleeping but dead. Then the pain started. As I screamed I was vaguely aware of the snarling and ripping and battling stopping all together.

“Jasper! What the hell are you doing?” I heard Alice gasp, horror lacing her words.

“Easy bro – calm the fuck down. That’s Bella you got pinned.” I could see Emmett’s big boots skid to a halt next to my face; the yellow suede was coated in dark gore. Wolf guts.

Rosalie did not come to my aid, but I was distantly aware of a soft, throaty keening issuing from somewhere nearby.

“Fucking Bitch stabbed me!” Jasper laughed incredulously. He twisted his boot further into my spine to emphasize his point. I cried out and closed my eyes to the eerily still face of Seth. “She still had that goddamn knife that cut Edward.”

“Jesus. Alice? You got this? I gotta get Rose, she’s losing it over there.” Emmett darted out of sight and the low, sad noise in the distance began to diminish.

“Jasper,” Alice snapped, “I don’t care if she gouged your precious blue eyeballs from your pretty little head. You don’t treat Bella Swan this way. Let her up. Now. Or so help me, I’ll stab you again myself.” She stomped her foot, making some crimson juice splatter on the ground around her. Gradually the pain subsided until it was gone altogether. I sat up and looked at the two vampires before me.

Alice was completely covered, head to foot, in blood. It matted her black pixie hair and stained her fine clothing with dark, sinister splotches. She was bending over to extract the knife from her husband’s foot, being careful not to touch the blade. It wasn’t easy, the knife held firmly in his boot. Jasper was incensed; his eyes were the color of pitch and his stone face looked furious. 

“I’m sorry Jasper.” I murmured shyly as I fumbled upright. 

He scoffed and began to say something, but at that point the knife slid from its sheath and he gave a pronounced yelp of pain.

“Ha,” Billy suddenly chuckled, “It’s less than you deserve, Bloodsucker.”

I reeled around and slapped the old man square across his face. “You shut your decrepit old mouth Billy Black. It’s you that should have a knife slid between his ribs! You shut your mouth before I forget to save your life a second time.” I spit on his boots, which were lamely splayed across his wheelchair footrests. He wisely held his tongue.

“And you,” I spun around to face Jasper and Alice, “You killed Seth Clearwater! He’s 15 years old for Christ’s sake. We never agreed on this – this brutality. Carlisle would be horrified to see you act like fucking animals killing children and crippled old men. You’re better than this. ALL OF YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS!” I screamed at the top of my voice, making sure Rose and Emmett could hear. Alice moved to speak but I cut through her, “Shut up, Alice. Just shut up. I don’t even want to know whose blood is all over your goddamn face. You all listen to me and be damn sure to write this the fuck down. Billy knows where Edward is. So Billy is mine. You all need to back the fuck off before you ruin any chance I have to save what’s left of my baby’s father.” I huffed, shaking head to toe with adrenaline.  

Jasper moved and I flinched, “Easy Bella. Maybe this will let you know what type of ‘brutality’ we’re facing here.” He tossed me a small moleskin pouch, which was heavier than it looked and cold to the touch. “I found this on your 15 year old.”

With shaking hands I opened the pouch and dumped its contents into my open palm. It was a long, slender index finger, white and hard and cold. I knew this finger; I knew it like I knew my own. As I stood transfixed by the relic in my hand I tried to process how large all of this was. How much of Edward they had really taken from me. And to my utter fascination and horror the finger began to twitch spasmodically on my palm.

_________________________________________________

“Breakfast!” Edward exclaimed, jumping up.

I covered myself and shuffled out of the makeshift bed, “Oh no. Don’t tell me you imported phoenix eggs from Mt. Olympus and fresh pressed apple juice from the Tree of Knowledge.”

“Ha! Maybe next time, love.” He tossed me my jeans, “For now I was thinking an egg-in-a-hole, maybe some bacon and a cappuccino.”

I dug out a brush from my bag and attempted to tame my sex hair, “Yuck. I don’t really drink coffee.”

He quirked an eyebrow, “Well I do have some blood orange juice.”

I stopped brushing, “You’re joking.”

“Blood oranges are sweeter. You really should try them.” He began folding up my blankets and smoothing out the couch.

I put a hand over my mouth, “Oh! I’m so sorry. Right. I thought you meant blood blood orange juice. Of course, I’ve had them before.”

“You thought I’d mix blood into orange juice and then serve it to you?” He asked defensively.

“Um, for a second there….yeah?” I shrugged my shoulders.

“Gross.” He crinkled his nose.

“Oh come on, Edward. You probably find the orange juice more offensive than the blood.” I gave up on my hair and swooped the mess into a loose bun.

“So what if I do?” He dismissed.

“Vampires,” I sighed exasperatedly.    

_________________________________________________

I was waiting outside the clinic for Charlie, sitting on the porch steps with my shabby suitcase leaning against my legs. Through overlarge headphones my iPod was quietly humming an endless mix of Debussy. I stood when a police cruiser rolled up the driveway.

My father lumbered out of the car, his eyes never leaving me. He looked tired and he was still in uniform. “Ready to go?” He asked, pretending casualness though I could see the concern in his eyes. 

I nodded and without another word he hoisted my suitcase into the trunk.

The small logging town of Forks sloshed by my car window. It was raining exceptionally hard today, making the numerous unpaved roads run thick with mud.

“You look great! Are you excited to be going home?” Charlie asked, his eyes trained on the windshield.

“Yeah.” I sighed, no real excitement in my voice.

“Aaannd…” He prompted.

“And yes, I’m happy to go home. Thank you, Dad, really. For….for everything.” I shrunk further into my seat and pulled my hoodie up over my hair, covering most of my face. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter now, does it? It’s done. I made my choices.”

He heaved a sigh, “Yes but you could have shared them with me.”

“I couldn’t have told you.”

“You chose not to tell me,” He countered, “You lied.”

“Lied?” I asked, “Lied about what, Dad?”

“About your condition. About how bad Edward hurt you. About how serious it all was.” Charlie gripped the steering wheel and took the turn to our house a little too sharply.

“I didn’t want to get you involved. They were my problems. I had to suffer through them.”

“But I suffered anyway, didn’t I?” His voice shook, “I just didn’t know why.”

OMFG! Updaaaaate! Finally. This was a very difficult chapter to write for many reasons. There’s finally some sex and a few things click into place along with yet some more plot twists. Last chapter we found Alice dragging Bella into a naughty store, Bella discovers a new feeling for Jacob, Alice’s head is parted from her lovely body and Edward bemoaned being a messed up monster. This chapter another mystical object is introduced with new and unforeseen consequences, we see Bella when she was comatose over being ditched, and the Cullen’s weigh in on the new baby. Wow, lots going on and I promise a lot more is coming.

All this belongs to Stephanie Meyer, I’m just borrowing the good stuff.

Cheers,

Dixie Lou 

Strangled by the Thought

PART 2

3

I shifted uncomfortably in Carlisle’s office chair. “I don’t know what I should do.”

He leaned across his perfectly organized desk, a small stitch between his perfectly smooth brows, “Why don’t you talk to him about it? Tell him how you feel?”

I smiled sadly, shaking my head. “I can’t. You know, I can’t be a burden, especially now, when the decision’s been made.” I nodded my head, mimicking a brave tone though I could feel the courage stopping just short of my eyes, “I’ll get used to things, you know? I just wanted to talk to someone who’s lived like you for a while. I mean, being a vampire is a completely different… environment.” I shook my head again and sighed, nervously tucking my hair behind my ear.

“Why don’t you tell me what’s bothering you, Bella.”

“Edward and I are going to have a baby.”

Carlisle paused, taken aback. His surprise deepened as he realized I hadn’t told his son yet. “Well,” he fumbled, “Uh, Bella, you should have told me sooner. We need to run tests! I had no idea, I mean I’ve known this was possible, but I’ve never seen…” He paused, getting up to look out his office window. “It’s forbidden, you know, to make a child vampire. If indeed, that’s what you’ve made. In the past they’ve proven wild…insatiable.”

I shuddered, his words were filling me with fantastic terrors I’ve never felt before. Forbidden, by whom? What will happen to us when our child is found? My face scrunched up and I blurted, “I hate this life.”

Carlisle stopped his deliberations, realizing I came to him not as a doctor, but as a friend and mentor. He circled round the desk and sat next to me, “I had a relationship once, before Edward’s mother,” He said softly, “It was very much like a marriage. We got pregnant, this was a long time ago, in my other life.”

My gaze dropped uncomfortably to the desk. He’d never mentioned a first wife or a first child.

Carlisle sighed, “I remember one day waking up next to her. It was just a day, like any other, but it was also the first day after I knew about the pregnancy. And I felt this…fear. For the first time ever. And I remember thinking, ‘How can I bring a child into the middle of all of this? How can a person grow up with all this violence and these monsters around them?’ Knowing, for sure, that monsters really do exist and aren’t children’s tales or imaginary night terrors. Knowing there are beings that can kill you and you can’t ever be safe. My father and his parish had hunted them for decades and now his horrors were becoming my responsibility.” He paused, looking up and away from me. I could tell he didn’t want to admit this next part, “I told her I didn’t want to have it.” He looked at me; I couldn’t help gazing sadly at him, close to tears. “And over the next few weeks, I wore her down.”

I sighed and fixed Carlisle with an unapologetic stare, “I want to have Edward’s children.”

He nodded, “I can tell you right now that I know, I am positive I made the right decision. But, especially after I found Esme and Edward, there isn’t a day goes by that I don’t wish I had made a different choice. If you don’t keep the baby, I mean, if that’s your decision, you can’t ever tell him you were pregnant.” I nodded, expecting to hear this. “But if you choose to have this baby, love that kid every chance you get. I know we will.” I broke, tears spilling down. He patted my hand and waited for me to regain my composure. “That’s about all the advice I can give you, basically.” His pager beeped insistently, “I got to go. But let’s run some basic tests first. ”

“Carlisle,” I said, softly, “thank you.” And with that I knew I was going to keep the baby, no matter what.   

_________________________________________________

“Just come on already! It’s been over a week since you’ve been to the Rez. Paul’s sorry for…er, that thing. You know.”

Not too long ago Paul had, in a fit of rage, transfigured into a monstrously huge wolf right in front of me. Jake, to my total shock, did the same. So the boys I knew all growing up were really a legion of hairy, snarling werewolves. And it wasn’t just, like recently, it was historical. So all the older people in the tribe, who also knew me since I was a toddler, were in on it. As were my vampire friends. And it seemed the whole goddamn world, except me. 

“Not today, Jake. I can’t handle the pack…uh, that is, your friends right now.”

Standing in my kitchen, with Charlie flanking us both, we tried to keep our argument bare of details. But it was just coming off as bizarre and frustrating. I grabbed a coke from the refrigerator, ignoring my father’s questioning stare.

“Your mother called,” He said abruptly, grabbing his beer and taking a long pull. “Something about college applications and grant money because you’re a first generation college student…or something Phil said. I dunno. You should call her. Or him. Or whatever.” He took another swig of beer.

Jacob looked at Charlie; it seemed, for the first time. “Is it weird, you know, to talk about Phil?”

Charlie looked, not exactly put out, but somber; he gave Jacob a measuring glare.

“Son, yes it’s ‘weird’. Hell yeah, it’s weird as shit. But I also know, in my superior wisdom, it’s possible to love two people at the same time.”

“Yes!” Jacob and I had simultaneously answered the rhetorical statement. Charlie paused, looking at us awkwardly. Finally he said, “Call your mother.” As he left us in the kitchen I tried, very hard, not to look at Jacob. But I knew he was looking only at me.   

 

________________________________________________

 

“Hello,” I breathed as Edward swung me up into a bear hug. I dropped the shopping bags by the door as he held me. 

“What’ve you two been up to?” He asked, smiling at his sister and myself.

“Shopping, duh.” Alice stuck out her tongue from behind her armful of expensive looking bags. Edward sighed. “Don’t give me that tone, Edward, we got you something too.” She handed him a small bag with the Apple store logo, “I know you’re a shopping whore just like me.” He smiled as he pulled out a pair of elegant, noise-canceling headphones. “Thanks, sis.”

“Ah, ah,” Alice admonished as she dumped her bags next to mine, “it was your sweet girlfriend’s idea. I don’t even know what those are. Jasper? Baby, I’m home…” she called up the stairs as she picked up one of the bags on the floor. I noticed it was from the same shop my lingerie came from. With a wink, she zipped up the staircase faster than I could see.

Edward turned to me, headphones in hand, “Thanks love, these are amazing! They’ll really help dampen noise pollution. You won’t believe how annoying the highway is when you’re trying to listen to Bach. I can’t wait to try them.” I smiled and kissed him on the cheek; choosing not to point out that the highway was miles away from the Cullen’s house. And behind a mountain. 

“I just picked them out. Um,” There was a self-conscious pause as I chose my words, “I, you know, brought my overnight stuff…” I hoisted a slightly stuffed backpack over my shoulder.

“Oh,” He fumbled and I swear he could have been blushing through his undead skin. Maybe Alice’s vision was right after all. “Right. Well. Do you want to put your stuff in my room?” He went for my shopping bags, but I scrambled to beat him to it.

“Yep.” I said, trying to stay casual. “I don’t suppose you have any food for dinner, do you?” I heard him laugh as he followed me up the stairs. I smirked, “You stocked the entire refrigerator, didn’t you?” He broke into a huge, glamorous smile, “Guilty.”

I sighed dramatically and made my way to his messy, wonderful bedroom. My body humming with anticipation for tonight’s possibilities.  

 

_________________________________________________

Alice and I froze, both staring transfixed at her flashing phone. I knew it was fear that froze us to the ground, unable to answer to Jasper’s call. Fear of his reaction to Alice’s fresh scars. Fear of what he would think of his brother being torn to shreds by a pack of wolves. We were afraid of the awful revenge Jasper was sure to take, which would most certainly lead to open war.

Mercifully her phone went silent. With effort, Alice sat up and turned toward me, “I’ll have to answer it next time,” She warned. I stared at the angry looking scar ringing her neck, which glowed an eerie sliver in the early morning light. Even if I could convince Alice to lie right now and hide her wound, there was no way she could keep this from Jasper for long.

I glanced at Rosalie, still crumpled and silent a few feet away from us. Alice, noticing her sister for the first time, flitted quickly to her side. She gasped once she bent over Rose’s stillborn body. I stumbled up and ran toward them, transfixed on Alice’s hand glued over her mouth. How could it be any worse than her own gruesome decapitation?

I skidded to a halt by Rose’s head and fell to the ground to inspect the damage. However, before I could look at her face, I felt a sharp jab on my knee. I wiggled around and extracted what I first took for a beat up horseshoe. I examined the odd shape through the dim light and dropped it back to the ground once I realized what it was. A jawbone, a flawless jawbone, complete with a bottom row of strong, white teeth and one half of Rosalie’s candy red lips.

With a great amount of effort, I looked at her face. Nausea rolled through my stomach. Leah must have torn Rose’s face as she had her pinned to the ground. But it wasn’t just her face that was mangled, it looked like the jawbone didn’t want to part easily; half of Rosalie’s neck was split open. It looked like a ripped shirt pocket, as most of the skin was still attached and hanging from her collarbone. I could see her muscles, her glands and her tongue, which was lolling from the side of the gaping wound. All of her exposed insides were glistening with thick, pulsating venom, which was forming a sinister pool around her head.  

“No…” I whispered through my dry mouth, “no, no, no, no…” I heaved. Rose’s eyes met mine; they were full of black fury. I cupped a hand over my mouth, “I…I’m sorry!” And I ran away from them to vomit behind the nearest tree.

 

___________________________________________________

After many goodbyes and well wishes, the Cullens left around 5 for their party at the Denali’s. It was the most awkward saying goodbye to Carlisle and Esme, because they were fully aware Edward asked me to sleep over. However, with much grace and kindness, they left it at goodbye and didn’t add any editorial comments. Unlike Edward’s siblings, who as soon as their parents left the house, started slinging jokes and innuendos at us.  

“Sleep tight kids, don’t stay up all night.” Jasper drawled and cuffed Edward’s shoulder as he left.

“Stay out of our bedroom.” Rosalie warned, fixing the both of us with a chilly glare, “And for the love of God, not on the couch please!” She called over her shoulder as she followed Jasper out the door.

“Remember, Ed,” Emmett said in a paternal teaching voice, “Just like eating Chinese food, it’s not over until you both get your cookies.” He ruffled Edward’s hair, whose already sullen face contorted with annoyance. “That’s disgusting, Emmett. And what the hell would you know about Chinese food?”

Emmett broke into full belly laughs as he ducked out the front door.

Alice was the last to go, she lingered by my side, saying a dismissive goodbye to Edward. He got the hint and went into the kitchen to start making my dinner. Over the din of banging pots and pans, Alice whispered into my ear, “He likes to be bitten, especially on his earlobe. And…” She giggled, “Pull his hair just as he, you know, pushes in.”

I pulled back with a start, “Alice, how do you know…?”

She fixed me with a dazzling smile and then tapped her forehead, “It’s all in here,” she said, then frowned a little, “Even the gory details I don’t ever want to know. Yuck. But, if it helps you, it’ll be worth it.” She pulled me into a tight, quick hug and darted out the door. As it clicked shut behind her I stood in silence for a few minutes, taking in the feeling of the big house, empty except for Edward and I. Then I walked determinedly into the kitchen, which was already filling with delicious smells.

Funny, he never told me he could cook.

 

__________________________________________________

It had been almost a month since Jake found out my plans to be changed following graduation. We haven’t spoken at all. I decided to just go to his house, invitation or not, and sort the whole mess out. Problem was, I couldn’t see any logical way to sort it.  

I found him pouring over a multitude of motorcycle parts, which were meticulously spread over the garage floor. He had pulled his gleaming black bike apart, it’s empty shell was sadly discarded against the far wall.

“Hi.”

He looked up, surprised to see me. “Hi.”

“Look,” I hesitated, “I-I’ll wait until the summer’s over. Maybe until next year. You’re right, it’s too soon…”

He stopped me. Then faltered. Then stopped me again when I went to talk. “Bella, I have something to say.” He looked down, his hands on his hips and lips tightly pressed. After a moment he shook his head, “I understand what you don’t like about me.” He said quietly.

I closed my eyes, fighting back the words blistering on my tongue. I wanted to tell him it didn’t matter what I do or don’t like. I don’t belong to him. I wanted to tell him it didn’t matter that I don’t belong to him. Because I love him, because he’s my friend. I immediately opened my mouth to protest, but he stopped me again.

“I do,” his voice was laced with pain, “What I am,” He looked away, avoiding my eyes, “makes you feel out of place.”

“Jake, I don’t…” I blurted, but he interrupted me.

“Listen, I’m not like Cullen. He makes you feel like you belong. Like he can give you everything,” His voice broke and he paused. “Everything I can’t. Which is good, really,” Jacob looked up and away, his eyes strained and red. I twisted my hands, unable to speak. “I wish I could do something about this,” He whispered, roughly grabbing the arm branded with his pack’s crest. Tears began to drip down my face. I quickly dashed them away.

Jacob straightened up, pulling back from me, “But I can’t.”

I wrapped my arms protectively around my core. Suddenly, I had very little to say.    

“I can, however, promise you one thing.” He put his large hand under my chin and lifted my face to his, “I will never give up on you. Ever. Alive or dead, you’ll always be Isabella Swan to me.”

I gave him a tight smile and whispered, “Thank you.” Though I knew I shouldn’t thank him, because I didn’t need his blessing. But I wanted it, I knew now I could never be at peace without it. 

____________________________________________________

On the ride from the hospital Alice was quiet, unusually so.  She was also driving the speed limit. Yep, this was bad. Rosalie was staring, unabashedly, at me. My best guess was she was angry, but it almost looked like she was fascinated. I was too scared and too tired to ask her.

“I tried so hard to help and all it’s done is make things worse.” I muttered at the dark car window. Nobody said anything, so I continued. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter anymore. The more you care the more you have to loose. Maybe it’s better to…..”

“To what?” Rosalie snapped from the backseat.

“To go it alone.”

“Bella, you aren’t thinking what I know you’re thinking.” Alice quickly looked at me and looked back to the road.

“So what if I am! This isn’t good Alice. At all. We could be in serious trouble here. Maybe it’s better to cut ties now.”

“Absolutely not,” Rosalie spat, grabbing my arm. “You need us right now, Bella. And that’s our brother’s baby inside you. There’s no alone, not anymore.”

 

_______________________________________________

 Dinner was delicious. Grilled pear and endive salad with a pistachio vinaigrette. Mussels in roasted tomato broth, served with sea salt and basil French fries. The chardonnay, Edward told me, was flown in from Burgundy this morning. The mussels arrived fresh from Maine that afternoon. And he chose to end it all with a light, sweet, rich chocolate mousse that melted the moment it touched my tongue. With pride he confessed it was an old recipe of his human mother’s, Mrs. Masen.

My god, this man can cook!

And, much to my delight, I discovered Edward enjoyed watching me eat as much as he enjoyed cooking. He found it sensual, exotic, especially when he fed me. We sat at the kitchen island and his eyes would travel from my fork to my lips and up to my face, reading my reaction to each flavor. He was fascinated, and told me he had never gotten the chance to closely observe a human eating before. “It would be dangerous,” he said, “For me to watch a stranger like I’m watching you now.” And I, for my part, indulged him, moaning quietly and sighing contentedly at all the right moments. So, by the time the last lick of mousse was sucked off of Edward’s cold finger, my head was swimming with expensive wine and my body was humming again. I was like a dowsing rod, tuned to his every movement.

“I’ll get the dishes!” I chirped, jumping off of my stool and scooping up the errant plates. He moved inhumanly fast, snatching the plates right out of my hands. Before I could catch my breath, the sink was filling with soapy water, the pans were stacked along the counter, the leftovers were stored away and unmistakable sounds of scrubbing started. “Edward.” I cautioned, crossing my arms. The scrubbing didn’t stop, but I still could only discern streaky blurs zooming around the kitchen. “Edward!” I stomped my foot, a little childishly and began to pout.

I gave a shout when he suddenly reappeared at the sink, a dishtowel over one shoulder and his button down sleeves rolled up and over his arms. He looked too good doing the dishes.

“What?” He asked, confused.

“I said I’d get those. It’s only fair, you didn’t even eat.”

He shook his auburn head, “Bella. I am not letting you do the dishes. What kind of host would that make me?” He started scrubbing the plates again at an almost human speed. No way, I wasn’t going to let him win this one. I pushed up my own sleeves and shoved myself next to him, plunging my hands down into the water. “Yikes!” I pulled them out just a quickly, “Jesus, that’s hot!”

“Oh, shit. Sorry sorry sorry!” Edward turned the tap to cold and pushed my arms under the running water. My skin was turning a bright lobster red. “I’m really bad with temperatures,” He blurted, nervously rubbing my back, “I can’t feel hot or cold very well anymore. I’m sorry Honey.”

I looked at my arms again, the red was receding, “You might want to turn down your water heater. That was like, really really fucking hot.” Edward was looking at my arms sheepishly, “I told you not to do the dishes. Not my fault you’re stubborn.” He mumbled.

“Stubborn?” I blustered, “I’m stubborn, huh?”

“There’s mules more agreeable than you, Bella.” He laughed and smiled his crooked smile.

“Oh yeah?” I challenged, turning around to get into his face.

“Yeah.” He challenged back, closing the small gap between us.

“How’s this for stubborn!?” I squealed and shot him full in the face with the sink’s side sprayer.

There was a momentary pause, where he stood wet, gaping at me, then with a rush of air he had me turned around with the sprayer pointed right at my chest. “Edward!” I squealed, “No! No don’tyoudareno!” He laughed as a full jet of ice cold water exploded against my sternum. “OhmygodEdwardno!” I shrieked, wiggling futilely against his arms as the water drenched the whole kitchen, “No! No! Ahhhgh! Okayokayyouwin! YOU WIN!”

The sprayer cut instantly. I looked at my reflection in the dark window over the sink; I was a drowned rat. But, I smirked, so was he. I smiled at his reflection, but he didn’t move, his body was frozen still against mine. Curious, I turned around as his arms dropped to his sides. 

“Edwar-“ His name was cut off by his cold lips crushing themselves against mine. Breathless I reached up and pulled his face hard against my own, returning his kiss in full. His tongue darted out, gently forcing its way into my mouth. As his hands found my hips I involuntarily groaned. He pulled back, licking my bottom lip as he withdrew.

“I have something to show you.” He grabbed my hand and led me out of the kitchen, toward the stairs. I followed, dreamily, letting him lead me up to his bedroom. He sat me down on his sofa, the only piece of furniture in his room. Inlayed shelves surrounded the space, full of books, oddments, records, cd’s, expensive stereo equipment and instruments. Old wood milk crates full of vinyl lined the baseboards. There was an expanse of large windows, which looked out to green treetops. His whole room was white and wood and glass, the sparse color contrasted beautifully with the evergreens surrounding the house.

He ran his hand through my hair, brushing the side of my face with his fingers. Then, reluctantly, he turned and headed to a shelf on the other side of the room. He pulled down a wooden box from the topmost corner and dusted off its lid. I noticed it had been stored next to an old, worn looking bone knife, a coil of thin black rope and a tarnished chalice. Then, reluctantly, he carried the box over and sat cross-legged on the floor in front of me.

I asked the obvious, “What’s in the box?” It looked old, worn and oddly burnt. Wordlessly he opened the lid and held it up for me to inspect. Inside was what could only be described a rock. It was highly polished and gleamed a deep ruby red in the light. Beautiful, though ordinary as far as rocks go. But as I stared I noticed a dim glow rising from it’s center, like a fire was suddenly lit inside.

“It’s a blood gem.” He answered my unasked question, “They’re a type of magic gem, made from the crystalized blood of runic dragons and old gods. They’re very rare.” He picked up the gem, examining it in the light, “This one’s supposedly from a dragon that lived thousands of years ago. Mistaken for a ruby, this stone has been used for centuries as an amulet. The Egyptians called it the blood of Isis, she was the Goddess of fertility. Mohammed famously wore this stone as a ring; he said it opened a gateway to his spirituality. Napoleon carried it into battle as a protective charm, though he condemned any form of old magic as heresy to the republic.”

“Wait, you’re telling me this is the same gem? How’d you get it then?”

Edward smirked, “Carlisle nicked it from the Volturi. They have loads of rare and powerful objects, locked away so no one can use them against their coven. He gave it to me, years ago. Carlisle has a small collection of objects himself. You tend to acquire them over time; things like this have a way of finding you. It’s like the magic is attracted to creatures like us.” 

“So, why are you showing me this? Don’t get me wrong, it’s cool and all. But why now?” I really just wanted to get back to the kissing.

“When the right magic is applied to a blood gem, they can be absorbed into the body. Crimson gems like this one add to strength and replenish life.” He closed his hand around the stone, which was rapidly getting brighter. “Bella,” Edward hesitated, I could tell he was choosing his words carefully, “For what I have planned, I need to be sure you’re strong enough. I need to know I can’t hurt you.”

I broke into a full body blush; I didn’t need him to explain what he meant. Alice was right; we were really going to try tonight. “Okay, yes.” I said, a little too quickly.

He smiled, “Bella, you don’t even know what I was going to ask.”

“It doesn’t matter. Yes. My answer is yes.”

“You don’t even know the risks.”

“Doesn’t matter. Lets do it.”

“But – “

“Come on!”

“You don’t even – “

“Let’s go!”

“Bella!” He laughed, patting me on the knee, “Calm down. I need to explain some stuff first.” My face fell into a pout and I sat sulkily back on the couch, “I even bought lingerie and everything.” I gestured to the shopping bag by his door.

He smirked, “You bought lingerie?” He was holding in laughter, I could tell.

“So?” I pouted.

“So do you want to wear lingerie?” He patiently asked.

“No. I mean maybe. So, yes. I guess. I don’t know!” I threw up my hands in exasperation. “I’ve never done this before. You know? It just seemed…appropriate.”

“Bella, love. It’s not really important. I mean, I appreciate the effort. But you don’t have to, you know…you’re beautiful. Just you.” He ended mumbling and looking at his hands. “Ahem, um anyway. As I was trying to say, blood gem magic works only once for someone and as they’re so rare, the choice and use is important. They also only work on humans, and I can’t think of a better human to give this to.” He smiled up at me, a little shyly.

“Edward…” I smiled back, my blush deepening.

“Once you’ve taken a gem into yourself, it will affect your blood and it’s color.”

“So what color will my blood be?”

 “Black.” He said uncomfortably.

 “Forever?”

 He nodded yes.

 “Okay.” I nodded, “That’s okay, I guess. Will I smell different to you?”

 “Yes, most likely. And you’ll taste different.”

 “Will it be better?”

 “I don’t know. I really hope not, I can barely control myself around you as it is.”

 “So, this is permanent.” It wasn’t a question, I knew with some things there’s no going back. Especially in Edward’s world, where most consequences were permanent.

“Yes, the process is irreversible.” Edward opened his hand and the stone was now like a tiny, bright fire in his palm. Its glow lit both our faces with warm, flickering light. I leaned forward and contemplated the blood gem, the choice I would be making. My body forever altered, but as far as I understood, the results were only beneficial. Who wouldn’t want to be stronger? And I needed to be stronger for him.

“Okay. Let’s do this.”

“You’re sure?” His eyes lit up, but I heard a lot of caution and hesitation in his voice.

“Absolutely. What do I need to do?”

“Lie down on your back, get comfortable.” As I settled myself along the couch he kneeled forward. Blood gem in hand he bent over me and began unbuttoning my shirt so it was open along my sternum. My pulse quickened at the contact, something I knew he could sense. He smiled kindly down at me, “I need to activate the gem with my venom…mixed with your blood.” He frowned, “Tell me to stop, that this is a bad idea. Please.”

I shook my head and held up my wrist, “No way Cullen. We’re doing this.” He sighed and grabbed my hand, “This will only hurt a little.” And with that I felt a momentary jolt of pain as he sliced my thumb open with his fingernail. His brows stitched together as he gently squeezed the cut, encouraging it to bleed. I watched my blood drip down onto the blood gem in his hand. With each drop, the rock glowed impossibly brighter, to the point where I had to avert my eyes.

Edward produced a bandage and wrapped my small wound. “Is it going okay?” I asked, “I can’t look at it anymore, it’s too bright!” I had to drape an arm over my closed eyes and even then the firelight crept through. 

“Yes – it likes your blood. I can’t blame it. Once I add my venom you’ll be able to see again.” Seconds later I sensed the light dimming, like someone had cut the power. I cautiously opened my eyes and looked at Edward. He had bit open his own wrist and was holding it over the stone, venom was dripping onto his palm, mingling with my blood. There was a slight hissing sound, like champagne being poured, as his venom ate away at the blood soaked stone.

“You put out the light.” I observed, fascinated at the scene before me. Edward licked his wound, which stitched instantly, “It doesn’t like me as much.” He laughed derisively, “I can’t blame it for that either.” The hissing gradually died away and the blood gem was left looking more liquid, like soft red Jell-O.

“Okay, brace yourself. I’m going to push this into your chest and say a few words.”

He leaned over me, his face inches from mine, “I love you, Bella.”

I pecked him on the lips, “I love you too. I’m ready when you are.” He nodded and with only a slight amount of hesitation, brought his palm up to my sternum and rested the gem against my chest. It was cold on my skin and slightly damp, I shivered.

Edward closed his eyes, “By lucem dracones,” He whispered, “inde aprilis nocte.” The gem lit up again, not as bright, but it shot rays of firelight through the spaces in his hand. Heat swelled on my chest and I could feel a prickling sensation spread from the stone through my body. “Clamavi ad te, ut me, ut vi tribus conjuro te.” Edward opened his eyes and gazed fiercely at his hand. He whispered the incantation quickly and repeated the last bit three times, “Omnes caere, circumfuso me. Sic fiat! Sic fait! Sic fait!” On the third verse I felt the stone slide effortlessly into my chest. 

I gasped, “Edward!” He grabbed my hand, “What? What’s happening love?” His face was frantic. “It’s so hot – I’m burning!” I could feel the dragon’s fire rage through my veins, boiling my blood. However, once I calmed down enough to concentrate on the sensation, I realized there was no pain. I closed my eyes, “It’s…okay. Edward, it doesn’t hurt.” He let out a mixture of a sob and sigh, loosening his grip on my hand. “I’ll let you know when it’s over.” I said, keeping my eyes shut so I could concentrate on my body as it transformed. 

I could feel my blood solidifying, hardening into something different, more. Strength and warmth filled my muscles and skin. My heart hammered in a stern, swift tattoo. The heat swam behind my eyes and cleared my senses; I could feel a fog lifting from my brain. My breathing gradually slowed, I felt normal again, but somehow more than before. Like I was an empty vessel and now I had been filled with grace and light and knowledge.

 

______________________________________________

“Merry Christmas Bella!” Jake barged into my room, dripping wet snow from his hair and shoulders. I was sitting in my usual spot near the window, my knees hugged to my chest. I knew he was in the room, but I couldn’t turn my head to acknowledge him. I was being rude. I knew this and I still couldn’t move.

Jake, in his usual cheer, ignored me and scooped up a chair, “Sue is downstairs cooking a whole roast and it smells amazing. You should see Charlie; he’s trying to chop vegetables. Hopefully there’s less finger than carrots in our food.” When I didn’t respond he sighed and turned to look out my window. The snow was falling in dense spirals, the world was muted and quiet and dark. 

Jake slid a small package on the sill in front of me; it was wrapped in gaudy metallic paper and adorned with a bright red bow. I cringed; nothing friendly could be in a package so small. “For you,” he said, a little shyly. When I didn’t move to open it he took the box and roughly ripped it open. He took a necklace from the box and I was desperately thankful it wasn’t a ring. It was little more than a long black chord, with a figure dangling from the end. “It’s a wolf.” He said with pride, “I carved it myself, from the driftwood off of First Beach.”

When he moved to put it around my neck I flinched. “Jesus, Bella. It’s just a present. You’d think I was trying to wrap a snake around you. Just hold still. It’s a gift and I made it for you.” He ignored my second flinch and wrapped the black chord around my neck three times before knotting it. The wolf figurine fell neatly against my throat. I knew I should be pleased, touched by his meaningful present. But I remained unmoved, glued to my chair, the window and the feel of my knees against my chest.

Jacob held my chin, rubbing soft circles around my cheek with his thumb. His eyes were wet as he attempted to look into mine, “Come back to us Bella. Soon.” He got up to go, but paused in my doorway, “It hurts so much because you won’t let it go. Let it go, Bella. That’s all you have to do.” And with a sigh he left my room to rejoin the holiday party going on downstairs. I could hear Charlie’s muffled voice, “Well, did she talk to you?” I assumed Jake shook his head no because Charlie said, “Don’t worry, son. It’s nothing personal; she doesn’t talk to me either.” I moved to clasp the wolf in my hand and I knew it was good of him to come here and give me this. It would help comfort me while I waited for Edward’s return.

 

_______________________________________________

I opened my eyes, looking up into his. His amber irises were bright, glowing warmly out from under his thick lashes. He held my gaze for a moment and then dropped his eyes; I followed their downward path. Oh my god. My shirt was soaked through from our water fight earlier, I didn’t even notice. It was sticking to my skin in a transparent layer, as was my thin cotton bra. I blushed as I realized my nipples were standing dark and erect through the wet fabric. Suddenly I had an idea. Please let this work!

Gently, I took one of Edward’s hands off my head. I slowly brought his palm up to one of my breasts, resting his thumb just over my nipple. I closed his hand around the mound, encouraging him to squeeze. He did. I tilted my head back and moaned. His hollow breathing had become shallow and fast; I rolled my eyes shut as his other hand came up to claim its own piece of me. He gently climbed on top of me.

I groaned again as his hips made contact with my own. I could feel his hardness pressing against my soaked clothes. Instinctively I hitched my leg up and around his thigh, lacing my fingers through his hair and pulling him down for a hard kiss. We quickly became a mass of tangled limbs and grinding hips, our sneakers squeaking against the leather sofa. Somehow we ended up lying on the plush white carpet in the middle of his room, our heads surrounded by record crates. He was on top, kissing and sucking and worshiping every exposed part of my skin. We didn’t talk; there was no talking this time. We had talked enough about how this would or wouldn’t happen. How right or wrong it was. I didn’t want to talk about how wrong felt right, right now.

Our shirts and shoes and socks and jeans and cellphones and keys formed discarded islands around us. In one brave moment he took the front of my bra and tugged, ripping it cleanly from my body. On a reckless impulse I slid a hand down between us, palm up, and began stroking him inside his boxers. He moaned into my open mouth, pressing his thick tongue deep into my throat. Oh. Oh. Oh, yes.

I was bucking, kicking, moaning, sweating, opening myself to him and he took and took and took. He was drinking in my body, grinding against my raging heat. I broke free from his mouth, “Inside.” I whimpered, “Now Edward. Please, please I need it now!” My feet found his elastic band and before he could protest, his boxers were around his ankles and I shoved my panties to one side, surrendering myself to him.

With a single buck of my hips we were aligned and it was time for me to bite and scratch and claw his shoulders and ears and back. Spasmodically he entered me little by little, drawing up the heat from my core. He had control until I pulled his hair hard and stuck my hot tongue into his ear. Fluidly, seamlessly, we connected and then rocked and then connected again. I was so close. So close to everything now; the carpet against my back, the smell of my sweat and his sweet breath. 

“I – I – I” I stammered, raising my head off the ground. “Yes,” He panted, “come for me, Bella.” He licked my neck, palmed my breast and didn’t stop his relentless pounding rhythm. “Oh. Oh. Ooooohhhaahhhhh!” I half screamed, half moaned, forcing my back into a severe arch off the ground. Edward spread his arms and grabbed the nearest crate of records with both hands. I was vaguely aware of a splitting series of cracks before he started to spill cold shocks of lightning into me. At that, my body swelled and I came again, in little, pulsating waves.

We collapsed into the plush white carpet and were finally still.