OMFG! Updaaaaate! Finally. This was a very difficult chapter to write for many reasons. There’s finally some sex and a few things click into place along with yet some more plot twists. Last chapter we found Alice dragging Bella into a naughty store, Bella discovers a new feeling for Jacob, Alice’s head is parted from her lovely body and Edward bemoaned being a messed up monster. This chapter another mystical object is introduced with new and unforeseen consequences, we see Bella when she was comatose over being ditched, and the Cullen’s weigh in on the new baby. Wow, lots going on and I promise a lot more is coming.

All this belongs to Stephanie Meyer, I’m just borrowing the good stuff.

Cheers,

Dixie Lou 

Strangled by the Thought

PART 2

3

I shifted uncomfortably in Carlisle’s office chair. “I don’t know what I should do.”

He leaned across his perfectly organized desk, a small stitch between his perfectly smooth brows, “Why don’t you talk to him about it? Tell him how you feel?”

I smiled sadly, shaking my head. “I can’t. You know, I can’t be a burden, especially now, when the decision’s been made.” I nodded my head, mimicking a brave tone though I could feel the courage stopping just short of my eyes, “I’ll get used to things, you know? I just wanted to talk to someone who’s lived like you for a while. I mean, being a vampire is a completely different… environment.” I shook my head again and sighed, nervously tucking my hair behind my ear.

“Why don’t you tell me what’s bothering you, Bella.”

“Edward and I are going to have a baby.”

Carlisle paused, taken aback. His surprise deepened as he realized I hadn’t told his son yet. “Well,” he fumbled, “Uh, Bella, you should have told me sooner. We need to run tests! I had no idea, I mean I’ve known this was possible, but I’ve never seen…” He paused, getting up to look out his office window. “It’s forbidden, you know, to make a child vampire. If indeed, that’s what you’ve made. In the past they’ve proven wild…insatiable.”

I shuddered, his words were filling me with fantastic terrors I’ve never felt before. Forbidden, by whom? What will happen to us when our child is found? My face scrunched up and I blurted, “I hate this life.”

Carlisle stopped his deliberations, realizing I came to him not as a doctor, but as a friend and mentor. He circled round the desk and sat next to me, “I had a relationship once, before Edward’s mother,” He said softly, “It was very much like a marriage. We got pregnant, this was a long time ago, in my other life.”

My gaze dropped uncomfortably to the desk. He’d never mentioned a first wife or a first child.

Carlisle sighed, “I remember one day waking up next to her. It was just a day, like any other, but it was also the first day after I knew about the pregnancy. And I felt this…fear. For the first time ever. And I remember thinking, ‘How can I bring a child into the middle of all of this? How can a person grow up with all this violence and these monsters around them?’ Knowing, for sure, that monsters really do exist and aren’t children’s tales or imaginary night terrors. Knowing there are beings that can kill you and you can’t ever be safe. My father and his parish had hunted them for decades and now his horrors were becoming my responsibility.” He paused, looking up and away from me. I could tell he didn’t want to admit this next part, “I told her I didn’t want to have it.” He looked at me; I couldn’t help gazing sadly at him, close to tears. “And over the next few weeks, I wore her down.”

I sighed and fixed Carlisle with an unapologetic stare, “I want to have Edward’s children.”

He nodded, “I can tell you right now that I know, I am positive I made the right decision. But, especially after I found Esme and Edward, there isn’t a day goes by that I don’t wish I had made a different choice. If you don’t keep the baby, I mean, if that’s your decision, you can’t ever tell him you were pregnant.” I nodded, expecting to hear this. “But if you choose to have this baby, love that kid every chance you get. I know we will.” I broke, tears spilling down. He patted my hand and waited for me to regain my composure. “That’s about all the advice I can give you, basically.” His pager beeped insistently, “I got to go. But let’s run some basic tests first. ”

“Carlisle,” I said, softly, “thank you.” And with that I knew I was going to keep the baby, no matter what.   

_________________________________________________

“Just come on already! It’s been over a week since you’ve been to the Rez. Paul’s sorry for…er, that thing. You know.”

Not too long ago Paul had, in a fit of rage, transfigured into a monstrously huge wolf right in front of me. Jake, to my total shock, did the same. So the boys I knew all growing up were really a legion of hairy, snarling werewolves. And it wasn’t just, like recently, it was historical. So all the older people in the tribe, who also knew me since I was a toddler, were in on it. As were my vampire friends. And it seemed the whole goddamn world, except me. 

“Not today, Jake. I can’t handle the pack…uh, that is, your friends right now.”

Standing in my kitchen, with Charlie flanking us both, we tried to keep our argument bare of details. But it was just coming off as bizarre and frustrating. I grabbed a coke from the refrigerator, ignoring my father’s questioning stare.

“Your mother called,” He said abruptly, grabbing his beer and taking a long pull. “Something about college applications and grant money because you’re a first generation college student…or something Phil said. I dunno. You should call her. Or him. Or whatever.” He took another swig of beer.

Jacob looked at Charlie; it seemed, for the first time. “Is it weird, you know, to talk about Phil?”

Charlie looked, not exactly put out, but somber; he gave Jacob a measuring glare.

“Son, yes it’s ‘weird’. Hell yeah, it’s weird as shit. But I also know, in my superior wisdom, it’s possible to love two people at the same time.”

“Yes!” Jacob and I had simultaneously answered the rhetorical statement. Charlie paused, looking at us awkwardly. Finally he said, “Call your mother.” As he left us in the kitchen I tried, very hard, not to look at Jacob. But I knew he was looking only at me.   

 

________________________________________________

 

“Hello,” I breathed as Edward swung me up into a bear hug. I dropped the shopping bags by the door as he held me. 

“What’ve you two been up to?” He asked, smiling at his sister and myself.

“Shopping, duh.” Alice stuck out her tongue from behind her armful of expensive looking bags. Edward sighed. “Don’t give me that tone, Edward, we got you something too.” She handed him a small bag with the Apple store logo, “I know you’re a shopping whore just like me.” He smiled as he pulled out a pair of elegant, noise-canceling headphones. “Thanks, sis.”

“Ah, ah,” Alice admonished as she dumped her bags next to mine, “it was your sweet girlfriend’s idea. I don’t even know what those are. Jasper? Baby, I’m home…” she called up the stairs as she picked up one of the bags on the floor. I noticed it was from the same shop my lingerie came from. With a wink, she zipped up the staircase faster than I could see.

Edward turned to me, headphones in hand, “Thanks love, these are amazing! They’ll really help dampen noise pollution. You won’t believe how annoying the highway is when you’re trying to listen to Bach. I can’t wait to try them.” I smiled and kissed him on the cheek; choosing not to point out that the highway was miles away from the Cullen’s house. And behind a mountain. 

“I just picked them out. Um,” There was a self-conscious pause as I chose my words, “I, you know, brought my overnight stuff…” I hoisted a slightly stuffed backpack over my shoulder.

“Oh,” He fumbled and I swear he could have been blushing through his undead skin. Maybe Alice’s vision was right after all. “Right. Well. Do you want to put your stuff in my room?” He went for my shopping bags, but I scrambled to beat him to it.

“Yep.” I said, trying to stay casual. “I don’t suppose you have any food for dinner, do you?” I heard him laugh as he followed me up the stairs. I smirked, “You stocked the entire refrigerator, didn’t you?” He broke into a huge, glamorous smile, “Guilty.”

I sighed dramatically and made my way to his messy, wonderful bedroom. My body humming with anticipation for tonight’s possibilities.  

 

_________________________________________________

Alice and I froze, both staring transfixed at her flashing phone. I knew it was fear that froze us to the ground, unable to answer to Jasper’s call. Fear of his reaction to Alice’s fresh scars. Fear of what he would think of his brother being torn to shreds by a pack of wolves. We were afraid of the awful revenge Jasper was sure to take, which would most certainly lead to open war.

Mercifully her phone went silent. With effort, Alice sat up and turned toward me, “I’ll have to answer it next time,” She warned. I stared at the angry looking scar ringing her neck, which glowed an eerie sliver in the early morning light. Even if I could convince Alice to lie right now and hide her wound, there was no way she could keep this from Jasper for long.

I glanced at Rosalie, still crumpled and silent a few feet away from us. Alice, noticing her sister for the first time, flitted quickly to her side. She gasped once she bent over Rose’s stillborn body. I stumbled up and ran toward them, transfixed on Alice’s hand glued over her mouth. How could it be any worse than her own gruesome decapitation?

I skidded to a halt by Rose’s head and fell to the ground to inspect the damage. However, before I could look at her face, I felt a sharp jab on my knee. I wiggled around and extracted what I first took for a beat up horseshoe. I examined the odd shape through the dim light and dropped it back to the ground once I realized what it was. A jawbone, a flawless jawbone, complete with a bottom row of strong, white teeth and one half of Rosalie’s candy red lips.

With a great amount of effort, I looked at her face. Nausea rolled through my stomach. Leah must have torn Rose’s face as she had her pinned to the ground. But it wasn’t just her face that was mangled, it looked like the jawbone didn’t want to part easily; half of Rosalie’s neck was split open. It looked like a ripped shirt pocket, as most of the skin was still attached and hanging from her collarbone. I could see her muscles, her glands and her tongue, which was lolling from the side of the gaping wound. All of her exposed insides were glistening with thick, pulsating venom, which was forming a sinister pool around her head.  

“No…” I whispered through my dry mouth, “no, no, no, no…” I heaved. Rose’s eyes met mine; they were full of black fury. I cupped a hand over my mouth, “I…I’m sorry!” And I ran away from them to vomit behind the nearest tree.

 

___________________________________________________

After many goodbyes and well wishes, the Cullens left around 5 for their party at the Denali’s. It was the most awkward saying goodbye to Carlisle and Esme, because they were fully aware Edward asked me to sleep over. However, with much grace and kindness, they left it at goodbye and didn’t add any editorial comments. Unlike Edward’s siblings, who as soon as their parents left the house, started slinging jokes and innuendos at us.  

“Sleep tight kids, don’t stay up all night.” Jasper drawled and cuffed Edward’s shoulder as he left.

“Stay out of our bedroom.” Rosalie warned, fixing the both of us with a chilly glare, “And for the love of God, not on the couch please!” She called over her shoulder as she followed Jasper out the door.

“Remember, Ed,” Emmett said in a paternal teaching voice, “Just like eating Chinese food, it’s not over until you both get your cookies.” He ruffled Edward’s hair, whose already sullen face contorted with annoyance. “That’s disgusting, Emmett. And what the hell would you know about Chinese food?”

Emmett broke into full belly laughs as he ducked out the front door.

Alice was the last to go, she lingered by my side, saying a dismissive goodbye to Edward. He got the hint and went into the kitchen to start making my dinner. Over the din of banging pots and pans, Alice whispered into my ear, “He likes to be bitten, especially on his earlobe. And…” She giggled, “Pull his hair just as he, you know, pushes in.”

I pulled back with a start, “Alice, how do you know…?”

She fixed me with a dazzling smile and then tapped her forehead, “It’s all in here,” she said, then frowned a little, “Even the gory details I don’t ever want to know. Yuck. But, if it helps you, it’ll be worth it.” She pulled me into a tight, quick hug and darted out the door. As it clicked shut behind her I stood in silence for a few minutes, taking in the feeling of the big house, empty except for Edward and I. Then I walked determinedly into the kitchen, which was already filling with delicious smells.

Funny, he never told me he could cook.

 

__________________________________________________

It had been almost a month since Jake found out my plans to be changed following graduation. We haven’t spoken at all. I decided to just go to his house, invitation or not, and sort the whole mess out. Problem was, I couldn’t see any logical way to sort it.  

I found him pouring over a multitude of motorcycle parts, which were meticulously spread over the garage floor. He had pulled his gleaming black bike apart, it’s empty shell was sadly discarded against the far wall.

“Hi.”

He looked up, surprised to see me. “Hi.”

“Look,” I hesitated, “I-I’ll wait until the summer’s over. Maybe until next year. You’re right, it’s too soon…”

He stopped me. Then faltered. Then stopped me again when I went to talk. “Bella, I have something to say.” He looked down, his hands on his hips and lips tightly pressed. After a moment he shook his head, “I understand what you don’t like about me.” He said quietly.

I closed my eyes, fighting back the words blistering on my tongue. I wanted to tell him it didn’t matter what I do or don’t like. I don’t belong to him. I wanted to tell him it didn’t matter that I don’t belong to him. Because I love him, because he’s my friend. I immediately opened my mouth to protest, but he stopped me again.

“I do,” his voice was laced with pain, “What I am,” He looked away, avoiding my eyes, “makes you feel out of place.”

“Jake, I don’t…” I blurted, but he interrupted me.

“Listen, I’m not like Cullen. He makes you feel like you belong. Like he can give you everything,” His voice broke and he paused. “Everything I can’t. Which is good, really,” Jacob looked up and away, his eyes strained and red. I twisted my hands, unable to speak. “I wish I could do something about this,” He whispered, roughly grabbing the arm branded with his pack’s crest. Tears began to drip down my face. I quickly dashed them away.

Jacob straightened up, pulling back from me, “But I can’t.”

I wrapped my arms protectively around my core. Suddenly, I had very little to say.    

“I can, however, promise you one thing.” He put his large hand under my chin and lifted my face to his, “I will never give up on you. Ever. Alive or dead, you’ll always be Isabella Swan to me.”

I gave him a tight smile and whispered, “Thank you.” Though I knew I shouldn’t thank him, because I didn’t need his blessing. But I wanted it, I knew now I could never be at peace without it. 

____________________________________________________

On the ride from the hospital Alice was quiet, unusually so.  She was also driving the speed limit. Yep, this was bad. Rosalie was staring, unabashedly, at me. My best guess was she was angry, but it almost looked like she was fascinated. I was too scared and too tired to ask her.

“I tried so hard to help and all it’s done is make things worse.” I muttered at the dark car window. Nobody said anything, so I continued. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter anymore. The more you care the more you have to loose. Maybe it’s better to…..”

“To what?” Rosalie snapped from the backseat.

“To go it alone.”

“Bella, you aren’t thinking what I know you’re thinking.” Alice quickly looked at me and looked back to the road.

“So what if I am! This isn’t good Alice. At all. We could be in serious trouble here. Maybe it’s better to cut ties now.”

“Absolutely not,” Rosalie spat, grabbing my arm. “You need us right now, Bella. And that’s our brother’s baby inside you. There’s no alone, not anymore.”

 

_______________________________________________

 Dinner was delicious. Grilled pear and endive salad with a pistachio vinaigrette. Mussels in roasted tomato broth, served with sea salt and basil French fries. The chardonnay, Edward told me, was flown in from Burgundy this morning. The mussels arrived fresh from Maine that afternoon. And he chose to end it all with a light, sweet, rich chocolate mousse that melted the moment it touched my tongue. With pride he confessed it was an old recipe of his human mother’s, Mrs. Masen.

My god, this man can cook!

And, much to my delight, I discovered Edward enjoyed watching me eat as much as he enjoyed cooking. He found it sensual, exotic, especially when he fed me. We sat at the kitchen island and his eyes would travel from my fork to my lips and up to my face, reading my reaction to each flavor. He was fascinated, and told me he had never gotten the chance to closely observe a human eating before. “It would be dangerous,” he said, “For me to watch a stranger like I’m watching you now.” And I, for my part, indulged him, moaning quietly and sighing contentedly at all the right moments. So, by the time the last lick of mousse was sucked off of Edward’s cold finger, my head was swimming with expensive wine and my body was humming again. I was like a dowsing rod, tuned to his every movement.

“I’ll get the dishes!” I chirped, jumping off of my stool and scooping up the errant plates. He moved inhumanly fast, snatching the plates right out of my hands. Before I could catch my breath, the sink was filling with soapy water, the pans were stacked along the counter, the leftovers were stored away and unmistakable sounds of scrubbing started. “Edward.” I cautioned, crossing my arms. The scrubbing didn’t stop, but I still could only discern streaky blurs zooming around the kitchen. “Edward!” I stomped my foot, a little childishly and began to pout.

I gave a shout when he suddenly reappeared at the sink, a dishtowel over one shoulder and his button down sleeves rolled up and over his arms. He looked too good doing the dishes.

“What?” He asked, confused.

“I said I’d get those. It’s only fair, you didn’t even eat.”

He shook his auburn head, “Bella. I am not letting you do the dishes. What kind of host would that make me?” He started scrubbing the plates again at an almost human speed. No way, I wasn’t going to let him win this one. I pushed up my own sleeves and shoved myself next to him, plunging my hands down into the water. “Yikes!” I pulled them out just a quickly, “Jesus, that’s hot!”

“Oh, shit. Sorry sorry sorry!” Edward turned the tap to cold and pushed my arms under the running water. My skin was turning a bright lobster red. “I’m really bad with temperatures,” He blurted, nervously rubbing my back, “I can’t feel hot or cold very well anymore. I’m sorry Honey.”

I looked at my arms again, the red was receding, “You might want to turn down your water heater. That was like, really really fucking hot.” Edward was looking at my arms sheepishly, “I told you not to do the dishes. Not my fault you’re stubborn.” He mumbled.

“Stubborn?” I blustered, “I’m stubborn, huh?”

“There’s mules more agreeable than you, Bella.” He laughed and smiled his crooked smile.

“Oh yeah?” I challenged, turning around to get into his face.

“Yeah.” He challenged back, closing the small gap between us.

“How’s this for stubborn!?” I squealed and shot him full in the face with the sink’s side sprayer.

There was a momentary pause, where he stood wet, gaping at me, then with a rush of air he had me turned around with the sprayer pointed right at my chest. “Edward!” I squealed, “No! No don’tyoudareno!” He laughed as a full jet of ice cold water exploded against my sternum. “OhmygodEdwardno!” I shrieked, wiggling futilely against his arms as the water drenched the whole kitchen, “No! No! Ahhhgh! Okayokayyouwin! YOU WIN!”

The sprayer cut instantly. I looked at my reflection in the dark window over the sink; I was a drowned rat. But, I smirked, so was he. I smiled at his reflection, but he didn’t move, his body was frozen still against mine. Curious, I turned around as his arms dropped to his sides. 

“Edwar-“ His name was cut off by his cold lips crushing themselves against mine. Breathless I reached up and pulled his face hard against my own, returning his kiss in full. His tongue darted out, gently forcing its way into my mouth. As his hands found my hips I involuntarily groaned. He pulled back, licking my bottom lip as he withdrew.

“I have something to show you.” He grabbed my hand and led me out of the kitchen, toward the stairs. I followed, dreamily, letting him lead me up to his bedroom. He sat me down on his sofa, the only piece of furniture in his room. Inlayed shelves surrounded the space, full of books, oddments, records, cd’s, expensive stereo equipment and instruments. Old wood milk crates full of vinyl lined the baseboards. There was an expanse of large windows, which looked out to green treetops. His whole room was white and wood and glass, the sparse color contrasted beautifully with the evergreens surrounding the house.

He ran his hand through my hair, brushing the side of my face with his fingers. Then, reluctantly, he turned and headed to a shelf on the other side of the room. He pulled down a wooden box from the topmost corner and dusted off its lid. I noticed it had been stored next to an old, worn looking bone knife, a coil of thin black rope and a tarnished chalice. Then, reluctantly, he carried the box over and sat cross-legged on the floor in front of me.

I asked the obvious, “What’s in the box?” It looked old, worn and oddly burnt. Wordlessly he opened the lid and held it up for me to inspect. Inside was what could only be described a rock. It was highly polished and gleamed a deep ruby red in the light. Beautiful, though ordinary as far as rocks go. But as I stared I noticed a dim glow rising from it’s center, like a fire was suddenly lit inside.

“It’s a blood gem.” He answered my unasked question, “They’re a type of magic gem, made from the crystalized blood of runic dragons and old gods. They’re very rare.” He picked up the gem, examining it in the light, “This one’s supposedly from a dragon that lived thousands of years ago. Mistaken for a ruby, this stone has been used for centuries as an amulet. The Egyptians called it the blood of Isis, she was the Goddess of fertility. Mohammed famously wore this stone as a ring; he said it opened a gateway to his spirituality. Napoleon carried it into battle as a protective charm, though he condemned any form of old magic as heresy to the republic.”

“Wait, you’re telling me this is the same gem? How’d you get it then?”

Edward smirked, “Carlisle nicked it from the Volturi. They have loads of rare and powerful objects, locked away so no one can use them against their coven. He gave it to me, years ago. Carlisle has a small collection of objects himself. You tend to acquire them over time; things like this have a way of finding you. It’s like the magic is attracted to creatures like us.” 

“So, why are you showing me this? Don’t get me wrong, it’s cool and all. But why now?” I really just wanted to get back to the kissing.

“When the right magic is applied to a blood gem, they can be absorbed into the body. Crimson gems like this one add to strength and replenish life.” He closed his hand around the stone, which was rapidly getting brighter. “Bella,” Edward hesitated, I could tell he was choosing his words carefully, “For what I have planned, I need to be sure you’re strong enough. I need to know I can’t hurt you.”

I broke into a full body blush; I didn’t need him to explain what he meant. Alice was right; we were really going to try tonight. “Okay, yes.” I said, a little too quickly.

He smiled, “Bella, you don’t even know what I was going to ask.”

“It doesn’t matter. Yes. My answer is yes.”

“You don’t even know the risks.”

“Doesn’t matter. Lets do it.”

“But – “

“Come on!”

“You don’t even – “

“Let’s go!”

“Bella!” He laughed, patting me on the knee, “Calm down. I need to explain some stuff first.” My face fell into a pout and I sat sulkily back on the couch, “I even bought lingerie and everything.” I gestured to the shopping bag by his door.

He smirked, “You bought lingerie?” He was holding in laughter, I could tell.

“So?” I pouted.

“So do you want to wear lingerie?” He patiently asked.

“No. I mean maybe. So, yes. I guess. I don’t know!” I threw up my hands in exasperation. “I’ve never done this before. You know? It just seemed…appropriate.”

“Bella, love. It’s not really important. I mean, I appreciate the effort. But you don’t have to, you know…you’re beautiful. Just you.” He ended mumbling and looking at his hands. “Ahem, um anyway. As I was trying to say, blood gem magic works only once for someone and as they’re so rare, the choice and use is important. They also only work on humans, and I can’t think of a better human to give this to.” He smiled up at me, a little shyly.

“Edward…” I smiled back, my blush deepening.

“Once you’ve taken a gem into yourself, it will affect your blood and it’s color.”

“So what color will my blood be?”

 “Black.” He said uncomfortably.

 “Forever?”

 He nodded yes.

 “Okay.” I nodded, “That’s okay, I guess. Will I smell different to you?”

 “Yes, most likely. And you’ll taste different.”

 “Will it be better?”

 “I don’t know. I really hope not, I can barely control myself around you as it is.”

 “So, this is permanent.” It wasn’t a question, I knew with some things there’s no going back. Especially in Edward’s world, where most consequences were permanent.

“Yes, the process is irreversible.” Edward opened his hand and the stone was now like a tiny, bright fire in his palm. Its glow lit both our faces with warm, flickering light. I leaned forward and contemplated the blood gem, the choice I would be making. My body forever altered, but as far as I understood, the results were only beneficial. Who wouldn’t want to be stronger? And I needed to be stronger for him.

“Okay. Let’s do this.”

“You’re sure?” His eyes lit up, but I heard a lot of caution and hesitation in his voice.

“Absolutely. What do I need to do?”

“Lie down on your back, get comfortable.” As I settled myself along the couch he kneeled forward. Blood gem in hand he bent over me and began unbuttoning my shirt so it was open along my sternum. My pulse quickened at the contact, something I knew he could sense. He smiled kindly down at me, “I need to activate the gem with my venom…mixed with your blood.” He frowned, “Tell me to stop, that this is a bad idea. Please.”

I shook my head and held up my wrist, “No way Cullen. We’re doing this.” He sighed and grabbed my hand, “This will only hurt a little.” And with that I felt a momentary jolt of pain as he sliced my thumb open with his fingernail. His brows stitched together as he gently squeezed the cut, encouraging it to bleed. I watched my blood drip down onto the blood gem in his hand. With each drop, the rock glowed impossibly brighter, to the point where I had to avert my eyes.

Edward produced a bandage and wrapped my small wound. “Is it going okay?” I asked, “I can’t look at it anymore, it’s too bright!” I had to drape an arm over my closed eyes and even then the firelight crept through. 

“Yes – it likes your blood. I can’t blame it. Once I add my venom you’ll be able to see again.” Seconds later I sensed the light dimming, like someone had cut the power. I cautiously opened my eyes and looked at Edward. He had bit open his own wrist and was holding it over the stone, venom was dripping onto his palm, mingling with my blood. There was a slight hissing sound, like champagne being poured, as his venom ate away at the blood soaked stone.

“You put out the light.” I observed, fascinated at the scene before me. Edward licked his wound, which stitched instantly, “It doesn’t like me as much.” He laughed derisively, “I can’t blame it for that either.” The hissing gradually died away and the blood gem was left looking more liquid, like soft red Jell-O.

“Okay, brace yourself. I’m going to push this into your chest and say a few words.”

He leaned over me, his face inches from mine, “I love you, Bella.”

I pecked him on the lips, “I love you too. I’m ready when you are.” He nodded and with only a slight amount of hesitation, brought his palm up to my sternum and rested the gem against my chest. It was cold on my skin and slightly damp, I shivered.

Edward closed his eyes, “By lucem dracones,” He whispered, “inde aprilis nocte.” The gem lit up again, not as bright, but it shot rays of firelight through the spaces in his hand. Heat swelled on my chest and I could feel a prickling sensation spread from the stone through my body. “Clamavi ad te, ut me, ut vi tribus conjuro te.” Edward opened his eyes and gazed fiercely at his hand. He whispered the incantation quickly and repeated the last bit three times, “Omnes caere, circumfuso me. Sic fiat! Sic fait! Sic fait!” On the third verse I felt the stone slide effortlessly into my chest. 

I gasped, “Edward!” He grabbed my hand, “What? What’s happening love?” His face was frantic. “It’s so hot – I’m burning!” I could feel the dragon’s fire rage through my veins, boiling my blood. However, once I calmed down enough to concentrate on the sensation, I realized there was no pain. I closed my eyes, “It’s…okay. Edward, it doesn’t hurt.” He let out a mixture of a sob and sigh, loosening his grip on my hand. “I’ll let you know when it’s over.” I said, keeping my eyes shut so I could concentrate on my body as it transformed. 

I could feel my blood solidifying, hardening into something different, more. Strength and warmth filled my muscles and skin. My heart hammered in a stern, swift tattoo. The heat swam behind my eyes and cleared my senses; I could feel a fog lifting from my brain. My breathing gradually slowed, I felt normal again, but somehow more than before. Like I was an empty vessel and now I had been filled with grace and light and knowledge.

 

______________________________________________

“Merry Christmas Bella!” Jake barged into my room, dripping wet snow from his hair and shoulders. I was sitting in my usual spot near the window, my knees hugged to my chest. I knew he was in the room, but I couldn’t turn my head to acknowledge him. I was being rude. I knew this and I still couldn’t move.

Jake, in his usual cheer, ignored me and scooped up a chair, “Sue is downstairs cooking a whole roast and it smells amazing. You should see Charlie; he’s trying to chop vegetables. Hopefully there’s less finger than carrots in our food.” When I didn’t respond he sighed and turned to look out my window. The snow was falling in dense spirals, the world was muted and quiet and dark. 

Jake slid a small package on the sill in front of me; it was wrapped in gaudy metallic paper and adorned with a bright red bow. I cringed; nothing friendly could be in a package so small. “For you,” he said, a little shyly. When I didn’t move to open it he took the box and roughly ripped it open. He took a necklace from the box and I was desperately thankful it wasn’t a ring. It was little more than a long black chord, with a figure dangling from the end. “It’s a wolf.” He said with pride, “I carved it myself, from the driftwood off of First Beach.”

When he moved to put it around my neck I flinched. “Jesus, Bella. It’s just a present. You’d think I was trying to wrap a snake around you. Just hold still. It’s a gift and I made it for you.” He ignored my second flinch and wrapped the black chord around my neck three times before knotting it. The wolf figurine fell neatly against my throat. I knew I should be pleased, touched by his meaningful present. But I remained unmoved, glued to my chair, the window and the feel of my knees against my chest.

Jacob held my chin, rubbing soft circles around my cheek with his thumb. His eyes were wet as he attempted to look into mine, “Come back to us Bella. Soon.” He got up to go, but paused in my doorway, “It hurts so much because you won’t let it go. Let it go, Bella. That’s all you have to do.” And with a sigh he left my room to rejoin the holiday party going on downstairs. I could hear Charlie’s muffled voice, “Well, did she talk to you?” I assumed Jake shook his head no because Charlie said, “Don’t worry, son. It’s nothing personal; she doesn’t talk to me either.” I moved to clasp the wolf in my hand and I knew it was good of him to come here and give me this. It would help comfort me while I waited for Edward’s return.

 

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I opened my eyes, looking up into his. His amber irises were bright, glowing warmly out from under his thick lashes. He held my gaze for a moment and then dropped his eyes; I followed their downward path. Oh my god. My shirt was soaked through from our water fight earlier, I didn’t even notice. It was sticking to my skin in a transparent layer, as was my thin cotton bra. I blushed as I realized my nipples were standing dark and erect through the wet fabric. Suddenly I had an idea. Please let this work!

Gently, I took one of Edward’s hands off my head. I slowly brought his palm up to one of my breasts, resting his thumb just over my nipple. I closed his hand around the mound, encouraging him to squeeze. He did. I tilted my head back and moaned. His hollow breathing had become shallow and fast; I rolled my eyes shut as his other hand came up to claim its own piece of me. He gently climbed on top of me.

I groaned again as his hips made contact with my own. I could feel his hardness pressing against my soaked clothes. Instinctively I hitched my leg up and around his thigh, lacing my fingers through his hair and pulling him down for a hard kiss. We quickly became a mass of tangled limbs and grinding hips, our sneakers squeaking against the leather sofa. Somehow we ended up lying on the plush white carpet in the middle of his room, our heads surrounded by record crates. He was on top, kissing and sucking and worshiping every exposed part of my skin. We didn’t talk; there was no talking this time. We had talked enough about how this would or wouldn’t happen. How right or wrong it was. I didn’t want to talk about how wrong felt right, right now.

Our shirts and shoes and socks and jeans and cellphones and keys formed discarded islands around us. In one brave moment he took the front of my bra and tugged, ripping it cleanly from my body. On a reckless impulse I slid a hand down between us, palm up, and began stroking him inside his boxers. He moaned into my open mouth, pressing his thick tongue deep into my throat. Oh. Oh. Oh, yes.

I was bucking, kicking, moaning, sweating, opening myself to him and he took and took and took. He was drinking in my body, grinding against my raging heat. I broke free from his mouth, “Inside.” I whimpered, “Now Edward. Please, please I need it now!” My feet found his elastic band and before he could protest, his boxers were around his ankles and I shoved my panties to one side, surrendering myself to him.

With a single buck of my hips we were aligned and it was time for me to bite and scratch and claw his shoulders and ears and back. Spasmodically he entered me little by little, drawing up the heat from my core. He had control until I pulled his hair hard and stuck my hot tongue into his ear. Fluidly, seamlessly, we connected and then rocked and then connected again. I was so close. So close to everything now; the carpet against my back, the smell of my sweat and his sweet breath. 

“I – I – I” I stammered, raising my head off the ground. “Yes,” He panted, “come for me, Bella.” He licked my neck, palmed my breast and didn’t stop his relentless pounding rhythm. “Oh. Oh. Ooooohhhaahhhhh!” I half screamed, half moaned, forcing my back into a severe arch off the ground. Edward spread his arms and grabbed the nearest crate of records with both hands. I was vaguely aware of a splitting series of cracks before he started to spill cold shocks of lightning into me. At that, my body swelled and I came again, in little, pulsating waves.

We collapsed into the plush white carpet and were finally still.